The Author Games: Literature

Task One: Scores

Wow, the first task is over and done with! We loved reading all your entries this round and can't wait to continue! This task has really given us an idea of your writing quality. Thank you all for handing in- we expected a considerably smaller amount of entries, since we made a number of you wait so long to begin.

To clarify a few things, your score is out of a total of 12. If your score had points subtracted from it, you were balloted. Ballots remove half a point each during odd numbered rounds. Only some notes have been provided due to a certain password that was required in the rules. Your tribute will not receive any notes until that password is provided. Please note that notes were also written in order of submission, so earlier entries will have received longer notes than later ones.

Bonus Point:

Congratulations to Ruby Grace Faberson for submitting the first entry! You will have .5 added to your final score and an extended feedback.

District 1 Male: Flame Pheonix Pirkas

Paella's Score: 5

Pluto's Score: 6

Feedback: No note provided.

Final Score: 5.5 (-1) = 4.5

District 1 Female: Ruby Grace Faberson

Paella's Score: 7

Pluto's Score: 8

Feedback: Although it was interesting that you included Ruby Grace's father in the entry, I feel like the beginning strayed from the task. I would have liked to hear more about Ruby Grace's time in the training center than arriving at the Capital or her time in the room with her father, as that wasn't really what was required. You didn't reach the required task until halfway through your entry, which seemed like a little too much backstory. Maybe have something remind her of each of those events, include a brief flashback? Maybe she still feels the sting of the belt as she enters the training center, or something like that. It was also a bit of a choppy transition between scenes- a page break always strikes me as abrupt. Another thing I think you could work on is your description. For example, when Ruby Grace first reaches her room, you said, "It's slightly more lavish than my room back home." This, like a number of other sentences in your entry, is an example of telling and not showing. Instead of the simple sentence you put, you could try describing the lavish items in the room and having Ruby Grace flash back to her room at home and describe what it was like there, comparing the two. Also, when her father is shouting at her, something like "his voice rapidly rose in volume" is considerably more descriptive than "he yelled". When the books fall out from under her as she tries to climb, you could elaborate by saying something similar to "I feel the novels slipping out from under my toes as I attempt to reach for a higher shelf, and a brief jolt of panic darts through me as my previously safe ground disappears." On a good note, however, you managed to portray all of Ruby Grace's emotion in very few words- the sentences you included were short, but incredibly powerful. I especially liked "The familiarity is numbing." There were also very few punctuation/grammatical errors I picked up on, besides one confusion of "it's" and "its". Right before Ruby Grace entered the training center, though, you began talking to the reader, which came as a bit of a shock, as your entry had been in from Ruby Grace's point of view the whole time without any "you". I would recommend rewording this to stay consistent with your POV and style. What I enjoyed most about your entry was when Ruby Grace finally interacted with the paper figure. The questions were creative, and I feel like the last one especially told a considerable amount about her personality. I would have liked to have some reflection on the training, though- what does Ruby Grace think about the encounter? It seems like she just takes it all in stride, which doesn't seem likely considering the strange event that just occurred.