The Author Games: Literature

Task Four: Scores

Y'all are dropping like flies. It's just a little disappointing. Having less than half the entries expected was kind of sad. Really, guys? That being said, those of you who did hand in did rather well- the true contenders have revealed themselves.

Bonus Points:

Because of the insane amount of extensions, we have additionally decided to award +0.5 to those who managed to turn in before the initial deadline. Congratulations to Kanai Lathan, Aspen Kinsley, Katelyn 'Kate' Dodger, and Shadow Thantoes Morte.

**Esther Tehnos, because you used your automatic 9, you were deemed ineligible for this bonus.

The first entry was submitted by Kanai Lathan; he will still receive an additional half point despite the early hand-in bonus along with an extended feedback.

The "Best Ring Decision" has been awarded to Katelyn 'Kate' Dodger, for the way it completely changed her views on being average, something she had stuck with through the games up to that point. The change in character was quite remarkable- congratulations! You will receive an additional half point.

District 1 Male: Flame Pheonix Pirkas

Paella's Score: 0

Pluto's Score: 0

Feedback: No entry received.

Final Score: 0

District 1 Female: Ruby Grace Faberson

Two strikes; eliminated.

District 2 Male: Ares Finn

Dropped out.

District 2 Female: Slate Welby

Paella's Score: 7.5

Pluto's Score: 7

Feedback: Used extension.

Final Score: 7.25

District 3 Female: Rosella Van Carter

Paella's Score: 10.25

Pluto's Score: 9.25

Feedback: Used extension.

Final Score: 9.75

District 4 Male: Kanai Lathan

Paella's Score: 8.75

Pluto's Score: 9.25

Feedback: You started off with a thoughtful sentence that really appealed to me, and it really set the entry off on a good note, and I feel like your ending sentence really finalized the entry, leading to a strong start and finish. As I'm noticing frequently with your writing, though, you have satisfactory description, but it's just not enough. The entry almost seemed to rush through places where there was potential for expansion. One place where I was really looking for more was when you said, "A large white banner emblazoned with the words 'Happy Birthday Bilbo Baggins,' standing in front of what looked like the set up for some sort of party." What does this party look like? You left it as a simple statement that there was a celebration taking place, and I yearned for more on the topic. This simplicity where I wanted more occurred again when Kanai began eating the food. The 'trails of grease' really painted the picture, but I was left wondering what food it was, how it tasted, etc. I also think you rushed through the dialogue, especially with Ares- you stated Kanai attempted to talk to him, but again, it was limited to one sentence. He may have seen withdrawn and standoffish, but a better way to communicate this to the reader would be through interactions between Kanai and Ares or some sort of visual clue that makes Kanai realize Ares possesses those traits. There were so many places where you could have elaborated so much more, and I know you can- the places where you do are fantastic! I just don't see it everywhere. How does Ares react to almost being hit in the head? What does 'confusion and suspicion flitting across Rosella's face' look like that makes those emotions stand out to Kanai? Additionally, I felt some of Kanai's emotions throughout this entry, but there were numerous moments where I didn't feel it quite as strongly. One of the most prominent times was when Kanai first encountered Bilbo- his initial fright at hearing the hobbit's voice was portrayed beautifully, but the writing didn't capture much of his emotions following that. Is Kanai not shocked to see a man lacking so considerably in height, let alone wonder what he's doing there? If your character's already put together he's in the Shire, the reader hasn't gotten that impression yet, and I was looking for a considerably larger amount of surprise. One thing I really liked, though, was the realism of Kanai's internal thinking. The thoughts you included really seemed logical and Kanai-like. Near the end of your entry, however, you brought up Kadie, and that really threw me off. It seemed as though there was no purpose in mentioning her. She was there, and then she wasn't- perhaps if Kanai recalled a memory or connected her to the situation more, it would have held more purpose.