Words We Cannot Speak

What's time at times like this?

Time has escaped me
But the tick tick vibrates through me
And now I am merely a minute hand
(My heart beats as a second hand)
Lost on a vast clock face.

It's far too dark;
Possession of colour is all mine
And I am blinded by blackness
(Maybe if i opened my eyes it would be no different)
Holding my arms out to guide myself.

Everything right is wrong
And my mind is both tired
(lately the world is yawning)
And so wide awake
That all of the rolling over in bed is merging into one tsunami.

Scared, oh so scared
Because the future is too near (yesterday maybe further away than i like to think)
And if I cannot become my subconscious then how do i stop the thoughts whirring like the sound of clockwork?
(Ironic because i have no time to keep).

I am so alone,
Thousands are awake, not dreaming too
But it sure as hell feels like it's just me
Because it's so silent
That i want to cover my ears or scream.

I am so changeable, like the tides on a lunar cycle
That I am the most optimistic pessimist
And i overthrow the good thoughts with deathly ones which far surpass them as though i thought them a lifetime ago
(Most likely last hour).

It's burning in here like a forest fire, tongue licking the nape of my neck
And i want another blanket to smother myself.

If i looked out the window,
The stars would look beautiful but beauty is not admirable when you feel as I do now.

I want to be mellowing in dreams
Not lying on a mattress; springs breaking, pillow too hard.

If i was sobbing or not breathing surely this would be justifiable,
If i had an excuse then i would use it
(I fear that instability is not valid).

I want to be waking up into tomorrow or the day after
Not wishing for right now to be gone.
-by holly boyd