Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Nine - "Rest In Peace Dearly Beloved..." - Part Three - <3

       (Hope) 

                 Placing my shaking hands upon either sides of her deathly pale face, I shake her violently. "Ariana, answer me!" She finally snaps out of it and I thank God that she isn't hurt. The bullet had just barely missed her head by an inch. Looking up, I see that it had hit the wall in front of me instead and I instantly fall down hard and into my tears. "Do you really have such a death wish?" I cried out and I see her shaking body as she suddenly comes to the realization of what she had just tried to make me do. "I-I just, I don't know what to do! God damn't! I'm scared, so scared and out of my fucking mind! And I-I just, I don't know what to do! Hope I-"

               "So you tried killing yourself!" I screamed at her, she instantly grows quiet at my anger, she shakes her head. "Hope, you have no idea what kind of Hell that I've had to deal with at home and for once... for once I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could escape all of that and I was afraid. Because I had no one in this world left for me and no one left to live for anymore and I was scared to death because... because I thought that I had surely lost you too. Because in just these past few weeks alone, I've already made you cry more than I've ever seen you cry in my entire lifetime! But when I pulled that trigger, I was terrified because I realized... I realized that a part of me was actually r-ready, to die."

          "Ariana, what... what are you even talking about? W-what if I hadn't of been able to save you?" I started to panic. "What if I hadn't been able to-"

         "I knew that you would." At such words, my head immediately shot up, I felt so overwhelmingly confound. "Because you came in and saved me. Because you're Hope Esthiem, I knew that you... absolutely would." She whispers the words more to herself than to me, her mind clearly wondering aloud over whether or not that was a good thing. But I just couldn't help myself, because at her words, my heart was bursting so painfully out of my chest and in that instant, I did something that was entirely and irrevocably stupid. I kissed her... and in that moment, a fire had been embedded in my chest. Causing my heart to be set aflame and suddenly, I didn't need anything anymore, but her. Even just breathing, had seemed unimportant compared to that kiss, for I had felt that I needed her more than anything just to live. But, just as my mind was about to burst from the overwhelming feeling. I've never dreamt that it would've been this amazing. 

        Because no matter how much pain it had caused me afterwards, I'd never wish for that moment to be taken back. For it was honestly, the best experience I've ever had. Gravity no longer mattered, it was almost as though she was the one and only thing that bounded me to this Earth now and I didn't even regret a single minute of it. But as always, just like everything else in this world. All great things must come to an end. I held her deeply now, letting her in. "Wow..." I breathed.

       My head falls softly upon her left shoulder as I inhaled the heavenly sent of her beautiful blond hair. But the silence, was absolute torture to me. "Ariana, please... you're killing me here." I whispered into her neck. My voice betrays me, showing all of my raw emotion as the agony just drips from each and every single word. "What do you want me to say?" She whispers softly to me, sounding like such a wounded animal as she did so. So this time, I leaned back to look upon her face, but she just avoids my gaze. "Just tell me Arie, the question from all of those days ago still remains. Yes... or no, it is that simple." Her words bite back, harsh and bitter as can be and people never ever seem to see, just how venomous a tongue can be. It took her, but only one strike, for me to inevitably die, on the inside.

                                              "No."

      "What?" I whispered, I wanted to see those electric blue eyes. No I needed to see those eyes! "Arie." I try to turn her face back towards mine, but I catch my breath when she jerks away and just simply refused! I'm suffocating in this panic! This entire world was just crushing me into it's very core, just by that one, single word alone and I'm asphyxiated! I have to calm down! I have to... calm down... "I don't feel anything for you. I never have and I never will." Her words had pierced me like that of ten thousand knives to the heart. How can she not see, just how much she was hurting me? We both just sit there, I lay a hand upon her neck and the other upon her cheek. I try to tilt her face back up towards mine.