Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Thirty One - "All I've Ever Wanted, Was You."

(Ariana)

A piercing stridor breaks the silence yet again. It's not long before I'm shot upright in my bed and when the silence finally returns I'm suddenly aware that the screams had erupted, tore, and ripped it's way painfully through my throat. Looking at my surroundings I realize that I'm alone and suddenly flashes of his face are running through my mind and even though I know he is not there. I'm ripping and tossing my bedsheets to find him... terrified, and after a few seconds of this I give up and throw myself down willing myself to breathe once again, to calm down.

"It was just a dream..." I tell myself, "Just a dream..." I shut my eyes to keep the world out.

I sit up and draw my knees in for comfort as silent tears somehow find their way out.

My breathing is rough and raged and my heart isn't far from being the same. "Where is he?" I can't help but to wonder. Was last night only just a dream? "Yes..." I shake reassuring myself, "It's just the same dream that you've had for years now... it's that same one that never ends."

Only a few seconds that's all he gives me and I'm enveloped in his arms. "You okay? I heard screaming." I grow weary as I relax. Thank God he's okay, it was only a dream... just a dream my mind reminds me again and again.

"Yeah just the usual, my nightmare."

"You want to talk about it?" It takes me a while to respond but when I do I can't find my voice to speak and so I just shake my head no. This gives him an idea, he soothes my hair while laughing lightly.

"You want to sing it?" I give a half hearted smile at this. When I was little and my father would abuse me, well for some reason I couldn't just say what was wrong to Hope. I didn't want him to worry and besides who would believe me anyways? Back then I was afraid to speak out, thinking that anyone that dared listen to my story would automatically claim me as a liar. So I let out my feelings by singing in poetic ways, they may not be direct but they were enough to get the weight off of me... even if it was just for a little while.

It was better than nothing...

After a few moments of silence, I open my mouth and begin to sing. He listens taking in each and every word.

"Here I am pinned between darkness and light, bleached and blinded by these nights. Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn, by you... visions of you then you're gone."

Suddenly his arms tense and his hands clench themselves together tightly.

He knew exactly what the words had meant.

"Ariana, you can't keep blaming yourself for that. You didn't do that to me, it was done by your father, not you."

He's wrong and we both know it. My father wouldn't have attempted anything if it wasn't for me and he wouldn't of had nearly died if he had never even known me and so I-... It was then that I noticed the blood on his hands.

I grasp them and shriek, "Hope!" He pulls his hands back slowly...

"I'm fine, it's nothing... really Aria, don't worry your pretty little mind about me."

Kissing my forehead, he draws away from me.

I take his hands in mine anyways as I look them over.