Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Thirty Two - "The Depths Have Begun."

    (Hope)

       I feel cold, she takes my hands within hers automatically sending warmth throughout my body. I sit outside the hospital after just having ran away. I sit beneath a tree, criss-cross apple sauce... and to be quite honest... I can't breathe.

      "What's wrong, please... tell me the truth Hope. You need to go back to the hospital so that they can fix you up a-."

      "I miss you..." Suddenly for the first time in weeks she looks into my eyes and my heart begins to race faster than the speed of light. But just as soon her eyes are gone and I clench on to her hands even stronger.

           "I miss how close we were. I miss like everything you and I had as friends and how close we were and how we'd talk literally every day all day. How on the days I'd wake up to a letter upon my window from you that brightens the day for me and literally started the day off on the right side of the bed and made it to where I would without a doubt enjoy it. I miss that if either of us had a problem with anything, we'd go to each other and we'd talk to one another about it and we'd make it right and vent. I miss all of that... I miss the close friend I used to have. Actually, no... I miss the best friend I used to have. The one person I could trust above all else. No matter what the situation was I could go to you. I miss that. Believe me, you don't know how much I dislike not being able to talk to you all the time now. It's like the sun's not shining as bright anymore and I realize that now... about how stupid I really was in the past couple months. It took me far too long to realize all of that and I guess I just realized it a little too late for you.. I miss you Ariana, a lot."

              My heart wrenches within me, how can she not see the effect she has on me? That I don't want to lose her. But now... she is vacant, she won't even smile at me anymore... let alone anyone. It's as if her soul has drifted away and left her body to rot with nothing but a heartbeat to sustain it. She cries constantly and I don't know what I did. All I know is that I woke up with bandages wrapped around my chest and a broken Ariana.

                                         Just what happened? Why, can't I remember?

             At this she slowly pulls her hands away and it takes everything in me to let her go, my head falls and I can't seem to steady my breathing. The empty shell stands and she walks away silently from me. Only three weeks later, when she'll nearly commit suicide... only then will I find out that her mother had died "In a car crash". But truth be told, her mother died months before that. The burial ceremony I attended was only for show, there was no real body within that casket. Only her things were buried in there... her body was buried long ago.

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            A hand clasp around my shoulder and I snap with a wake, looking up I see her before me. She's back and as beautiful as ever... I can't believe just how beautiful she is.

                             "Hope, you okay? You seemed pretty deep in thought there."

           I want to ask her about what happened back then, what her father had done to me exactly and why. When I woke up and couldn't remember... the doctors said that it was because I experienced something so traumatic that my mind repressed it in order to protect me. But they were hoping that I would remember, because the only other person that would know... well needless to say she was trembling in the corner ready to break. The moment I had found out that she hadn't eaten, slept, talked or even looked at anything else besides me for days was eating my heart out. But as I look at her now, she has already let me in so much that other night and I just don't want to lose that.