Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Sixteen - "Tragedies."

(Aria)

It was the moment of supreme hate yet again and sadly enough, this was the way that it had always ended. With me in tears and him with his heart broken. Or supposed heart that is, for I am still half way convinced that he doesn't have one. However, that conviction of mine has been changing lately. Especially after what had happened that one day when we had kissed. Never, would I have ever thought that my actions could've hurt him so... badly. But I'll never forget about what had happened that night. For it was a mistake to have ever let him get so close to me and now... now I hate myself more than ever because of it.

Closing my eyes, I try to repress the memory, but my mind had somehow found it's way back to that very night and just like always... the flashback had came without my consent.

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I sat very quietly in my room, the lights turned off. For I had always preferred my environment dark in these kind of moments. In the moments where my fingers would trace their ways around my lips, longing for the memories and I still couldn't believe that we had just kissed. But I stop myself immediately, I needed to forget... to forget about what had happened today. But his face had kept coming back to haunt me. His piercing set of blue eyes, just pouring their heart out to me and oh how I hated myself... and I feel so guilty.

Getting up, opening my window, the fresh air comes pouring in. I hope to clear my mind but instead I see the headlights to his car and I freeze like a deer. His lights turn off and I drop to the ground panting frantically. "Calm down Ariana, there is no possible way that he could've seen you." My mind reassures me. So I lay there and listen to the sound of him slamming his car door as the cool breeze drifts over me. Goosebumps rise upon my skin and I can not tell if it is from the chill of the wind or the surprise of him. All I know is that I am shaking to the bones.

After a few moments of silence, I sit back up and peak over the window sill. The light comes on in his bedroom and I see him slam his door as the whole wall vibrates with it's impacted force. I hear the sound too and realize instantly that his window was open, so I decided that it would be better for me to just sit here and not move. I mean my lights were off, maybe the darkness could hide me. So I watched him in this darkness as he stood there in the middle of his room, breathing harder than I ever thought he could and his fist were just clenched by his sides. So tightly that you could see every vein bulge beneath the skin and soon enough he starts to pace around his room in tiny little circles and before I know it... he is biting oh so very hard into the very skin upon his right arm.

I was utterly surprised by such an action, that I heard my lungs gasp in reaction. All I could seem to gather was that maybe it was an attempt to muffle out the sound of his voice screaming at the top of it's lungs. But it had stricken me... just how much his voice had sounded like that of a foreign animal being strangled. Because his arm really didn't do such a great job at muffling his voice and his voice is still ringing very loudly within my ears. But eventually he stops, because there is a loud knocking sensation upon his door. I stare at him in bewilderment, with my eyes wide open, I see now that his arm is bleeding quite profusely from where he had bitten it, but he doesn't seem to care.

I hear Ms. Esthiems voice coming from the other side of the door as she jerks at the doorknob helplessly. "Hope! Hope, open up! Please, I need you to talk to me! I'm worried!"

"Just leave me alone mom... I just want to be alone."

"No Hope! Please, don't hurt yourself. You need to talk to me! Please!" Even she was screaming now.