Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Eleven - "Falling Apart." <3

(Ariana)

We're speeding down the highway when we stop at a red light. I turn to Lacey who (thank God) is in the passenger seat when I turn off the radio. "Hey! I was listening to that!" She laughs when she starts to reach out for the radio again, but I stop her when I gently lay my hand upon hers to keep her from going any further. "Lacey..." I whisper and at this, she immediately looks at me worried and concerned. She's been on edge all day, almost as if she's just waiting for the moment that I'll have a mental break down and cry. But I refuse to let her see that. "What happened between you and Hope this morning?" I slowly hit the gas petal as the memory of his words come back to me.

"I want to make sure... that she's going to make it through the day, okay?" He looked as if he were a puppy that was kicked out to the curb when he said that, could he really be that sad? Or was it just, all an act? Lacey sighs as she rest her chin upon her hand as her elbow lies upon the arm rest, she looks out the window. "I'm sorry Arie, but you've been happy for a long time now. Boys aren't good for you, every guy that you've ever known has either hurt you or left you and I'm sorry but you're better off without guys for a very long time anyways. You're my sister and like sisters do, I have to look out for you."

"Who said that I was happy Lace?" I was surprised by my abrupt, I never knew that I had felt that way. I've been hiding my feelings away for so long now that I just couldn't help it. I'm so sick of people saying that I'm better off without him. I mean yes, I pushed him away and yes, I was a complete and utter bitch to him. But I only did that to protect him and even still, how I went about it was horribly wrong. Because not only did I break him, but I lost him forever and he's never coming back. He's just like my mom, dead and gone. But it's worse than that, because his body is still here and I still have to see him every single day as the person that I have changed him to be, nothing but a no good player. An empty and void-less shell of a once most beautiful person... and I am the one that is the most guilty behind that, I am the one that is at the most fault. For doing this to him.

In a way Lacey is right, if I ever did like him again then he'd probably just break my heart or cheat on me. But what drives me crazy the most, is the very fact that he actually grew the balls to come after me. I mean, did those fifteen years mean nothing to him? Because they surely meant the world to me and even still... I regret it each day and yet I wonder, does he? To miss someone and still have to see them everyday, that's truly the worst feeling that no words can ever explain.

"I'm sorry." Looking over, I see that Lacey is sincerely apologetic and worried even, for she is too afraid to even look at me. I'm a little caught off guard, for this was truly a sight that was rarely ever seen. So I smile slightly as I enjoy the moment and whisper to her that it's okay as I wrap an arm around her shoulder.

We drove off to spend the day at my mothers grave stone, and just like every other year for the past two years before it, we had a picnic as we re-immersed ourselves in that of all of our elder memories without the pain and I couldn't help but smile to myself. For it almost always felt as if my mom was actually there, laughing along with us. "Remember that one time Arie? When Sara had created that huge New Years Eve party in the backyard?" I smiled at the memory of my mother running around like a maniac trying to create all of the invites for her New Years Eve Party and then helping her out with the lights and supplies for s'mores upon a big bon fire. "Oh yeah!" I exclaim with a smile. I play with the ribbons in my hair as I giggle, "Remember that part when she ran face first into the door's screening!"

"Oh, her face was just priceless!" Lacey smacks her knee as she pops another sweet cake pop into her mouth. "No, what was truly priceless was the fact that she was so upset that her orchids were ruined, that Hope had to leave in a hurry just to get her some new ones." I smile as I fall back, I looked upon her gravestone and smile as I whisper to her. "You truly were a character, weren't you mom?" Suddenly a tinge of sadness hits me that she's gone and my eyes fall. Wait, orchids? Abruptly I roll myself back upon my knee's and inch myself up closer to her grave. I bend and lie down upon my stomach as I curiously pick up the purple and pink orchids between my fingertips. My blue eyes, thoughtful and I couldn't help but to wonder who could've possibly thought to of laid these here. When suddenly it hits me. "Hope." He was the only one that had ever thought to go out and get her a new bouquet of Orchid's whenever her's were eventually ruined. He was the only other person that knew that it was her favorite flower.