Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Twenty Six - "It Was... A Lie?"

Authors Note - I haven't said this in a while but uhm.... LISTEN TO THE SONG!!! XD That is all folks!

____________________________________________________________________

      (Hope)

          With each and every step I take I feel my soul start to dissipate, that dance had reminded me of what it was like when we together. How I would actually feel alive as if I was no longer missing a piece of me anymore. I felt whole again, but now as I'm walking away from her I can feel myself dying once more, just leaving pieces of myself upon the dance floor. My heart began to beat hard against my chest.

                        I want her, I want her, I want her.

             Seeing her kiss that boy made me want her more than I ever have before and I don't know why. Do I feel this way because I can feel myself losing her? Suddenly I stop in my tracks.

              I feel this way because I'm afraid of losing her, this entire time I've been pushing her away ever since that day when we had that fight and she had tried to kill herself because of me. It was in that moment that I had realized that she could die because of me and so in my cowardliness I pushed her away and I tried to run. I tried to escape a possible fate in order to make sure that she'd never get hurt again, not even from me. But that was the worst mistake I could've ever made. That memory comes back to me...

           I'm standing in the hospital looking at her through tear strained eyes. The doctors had told me that she had died not once but twice and I was sick of this. I was so disgusted with worry everyday that I could no longer handle it.

           "I can't deal with waking up each and every day anymore wondering if your still alive Ariana! You've had me worried sick for the past two years! The past two years Ariana! And for what? For you to make me look like a bumbling idiot? You don't even seem to care! You wreck my heart everyday, but for what? To use it for your own desires? To make yourself feel good?"

                     I know that what I said about her wasn't true. But the guilt was eating me alive, how could she have killed herself... because of me? Suddenly she sits up upon her knees, a vision in white. She's an angel to these eyes, even though she is crying.

                "Hope I never meant to-!" Cringing beneath her cry, I cut her off mid sentence.

      "You what? Never meant to hurt me? Never meant to push me away and kept wrecking my poor little heart till the point that I broke?" That's it, push her away... it'll be better off for the both of you. You'll never hurt her again. You'll never have to worry about her again. She'll be happy, she won't have to try and kill herself anymore just to escape from you. You can do it Hope! No matter how much it hurts do it!!!! I bite my tongue on the verge of breaking into these bitter tears. A little voice whispers in the back of my head, "Can you really let go of all of those years?"

                                                          "I was afraid!" She shouts!

                                                                                   I must for her, and so I stand my ground.

          "Afraid of what! Of dying? Yeah like that makes sense! You said that it was a suicide attempt Ariana. A suicide attempt, maybe if you gave life a chance. Then maybe you would realize that there is more to life than trying to survive!"

    She sits up in her bed "No Hope. I was afraid of losing you."

                                The knife of guilt pierces me straight in the gut instantly.