Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Twenty Seven - Never, Have I Ever."

(Aria)

The entire way home his knuckles are clenched, tight and white upon the steering wheel. There's a reason why he's silent, a reason why he's mad.... but I dare not ask of it. Instead, I sit there and stare at his face as a million contradicting emotions flood across it all at once.

First there is anger, pure ferocity and pain. But then, there's worry, stress and agony... and just as soon. It starts all over again. But the pain is the only emotion that remains constant.

His hand trembles and shakes slightly the moment it leaves the steering wheel to shift the gears. But before it can go back to clenching the life out of that poor wheel, I snatch it away from him and hold it. Surprised, he looks at me and I catch a glimpse of his face. He looks worried, but it's not too long before he turns his eyes back to the road, angry again.

"Calm down, will you?"

I whisper, trying to get him to talk and without looking at me. He jerks his hand away from me. "I am calm." He says through gritted teeth and even though his voice is calm... his face says otherwise. Utterly exhausted, I give up and turn to look out the window. With my hand resting beneath my chin, I try not to think of what had just happened. Wrapping the blanket even closer around my body, I shiver.

"Thank you." I whisper, and I can feel his breathing change behind me as the air begins to stir. I've seemed to of caught him off guard. But even still, I can sense him shrugging his shoulders as he says, "No problem."

But when I turn around I see his fingers leaving the air heater again. He thought that I was talking about being cold, when I was really thanking him for saving me. The car stops, looking ahead, I see that we've reached our destination. But I refuse to leave this car without at least making some sort of progress with him, I turn towards him. "You know Hope, I wasn't talking about the heater." I say and at the same time he asks me, "Why did you do it?" Our eyes meet and the awkward silence fill the air.

We both speak at the same time again, I say "Do what?" When he asks "What did you say?" I stop him and repeat myself, "What did I do, that was so wrong Hope?" His eyes widen and he turns his head around to look out the window. I try to reach out and touch his arm, I understand now. He's treating me the same way that I've always treated him and I don't blame him. Not even the littlest bit. But he's right, closing my eyes I have a flashback to the time when we had fought in that hallway and his eyes were burning as he held me and whispered into my ear.

"I hate the way that you treat me."

I'd do anything to have him back and then he snaps.

"I'm sorry I ruined your fun, but he was going to hurt you, he was drunk and god dammit Arie. Why did you do it? He... he was a stranger, he doesn't love you. Trust me, I understand what it's like to be that way. I've done it enough and it gets you no where." I stop breathing, but he continues "It only gets you hurt."

     "Wait!" I nearly screech. "You thought that I wanted to have sex with that slug!" I'm screaming now as I stare at him in utter disbelief! He looks slightly taken back at first.

     "At first, when you kissed him, yes. But when I noticed that things were going wrong..."

     "You assuming ass." I seethed, and at that moment I am so completely and utterly disgusted with him. I can't believe the fact that he would think that I could just do something like that with just anybody.

      "Aria, I'm sorry I just thought tha-"

     "What? That I was you." That shut him up. Shoving the door open, I get out and turn around at him. My voice shakes, "Well guess what, I'm not. Thanks for the ride. Don't follow me." I sneer and with that, I slam the car door and storm off into my home, furious. Walking into the kitchen, I run my hands through my stress filled hair. But I couldn't hold it in any longer, I let out a frustrated cry and threw the blanket onto the counter and it was then that I had noticed a little red notebook upon the counter. But I didn't even bother to read the contents that was written inside of it.