Rejecting Hope (Old Copy)

Chapter Fourteen - "Kiss Me." <3

(Aria)

When we finally reach the ice cream parlor, I look at him and find that he is already looking at me, expectantly. "Really, ice cream? That was your whole big secret?" I giggle, "You put up with my endless pestering, relentless poking and even listening to the freaking torture that is Justin Beiber! And yet, you still wouldn't spill the beans that you were taking me to just an ordinary ice cream parlor? Ha! Just how old are you truly Hope? Maybe you really do like Justin Bieber!" At this point I'm laughing hysterically. However, I feel him sigh besides me and it shocks me a bit, "It's not just an ordinary ice cream parlor." He whispers so quietly that I just barely catch it and I stop laughing immediately, did I upset him?

"I'm sorry, we uh... we can go elsewhere if you want. It's just..." He cuts himself off, clearly afraid to say anything more. However, his eyes give him away instantly and it is evident that he is not only disappointed by my reaction, but also hurt. Worriedly, I sit forward in my seat and give him my fullest attention now. "It's just... what?" My words come out, slow and careful and I'm curious, why is he so hurt? I mean, it's just a stupid ice cream parlor?

Turning towards me in his seat, I notice that his eyes are praying that I won't laugh at him and whenever I pull out that crooked old smile of mine, he gulps slightly. His eyes suddenly focused upon my lips and that's when his eyes start to waver. But an emotion flashes across them and he averts them before I can even see what it's supposed to mean. Closing his eyes, his breathing intensifies and he closes his lips together ever so tightly as well. But you know, it's kind of funny to see him when he gets all nervous like this. I mean, it's not something that you get to see everyday, coming from the schools biggest and hottest player and all. However, his brows knit themselves back together as he speaks once more, his eyes now opened and focused forward.

"It's just... Well do you remember back to when we were just little kids? There was a day in particular that I remember. You were just six years old at the time and you... well you were upset and I had found you crying in my front yard and you had looked so, conflicted. Like you had wante- no... like you had needed to run away, but you just couldn't because something or someone was just holding you back and it just... it killed me to see you that way." My palms begin to shake as I start to remember it now.

How I was ready, completely and utterly ready to just go, leave that place and run like Hell if I had too. But I didn't even know where I was going and I didn't even know how I was going to get there and I wasn't even truly capable of thinking at that given time either.

But, I didn't care. All I knew was that I was ready to leave that man that was an abusive monster and that woman that had never protected me from him and even though I had still loved the both of them dearly. I was ready to leave them behind... because that life was a train wreck just waiting to happen and it's ride to it's inevitable end was so amazingly intoxicating that it was beyond the point that a person could even believe anymore. So much so, that I was now suffocating. Because I just simply couldn't remember, how to breathe properly anymore.

But in that moment that my little blue eyes had fallen down upon his little blue house. My legs wouldn't move anymore and suddenly I knew, that I'm a goner and that somebody... had caught my breath. Falling down to my knees instantaneously, I broke down in his front yard. Because as ready as I was to leave this life behind me. I couldn't even handle the thought of leaving him behind as well.

I couldn't even comprehend why I'd rather die than to of lived in a future that didn't have him. So I stayed, crying as my fate had suddenly been decided for me. The fate of admiring him from afar, than to of lost him completely. So I take a deep breath as he continues.