Vents : In A Book.

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It's everything...

I'm lying here alone craving for something or someone to hold and clench onto to not drop and crack all over the floor. But, Im falling completely apart and the pieces are scattering around everywhere and i can't keep track of them with all the skidding sounds. I can't focus. I'm cold in this empty bed thinking about how I'm going to make it here in this wormhole of a world. Will I make it 'till the end of this year? Will I finish school and/or make it to college? Hell. Will I even make it to be 30? will I ever be old?

Right now it's early in the morning and I can't see straight due to the tears fogging up my vision. i'm being told that I was a waste of time to someone whom i loved deeply at a point in my life. I didn't please them or did as I was told, I regret actually listening and going along with what he wished. The thing was I started this mess that happened months upon months ago. I should've never opened my mouth about having feelings for him.

And now this woman won't leave me be. I can't be happy with who I am because of her and everyone else that tells me I can't and I'm not good enough. I hate myself for everyone who does this to me and it's not right for them to do so, I truly do see that, but the thing is that they're right.

I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to live in this place where I'm plummeted with punches. These words are ripping me apart from the inside out in all different kinds of directions. I'm tired of being told no and stop and finally, enough.

I just can't anymore.
I've given up.