{10:39 pm • 6/22/17}
Pills
I already have three
I take two daily
I have another I take often but it's not prescribed its mainly something I take for pain
Both physically and when my emotional gets too much
Good thing is I know the amount that'll relax me and then the amount that'll get me sleepy but I have to take them slowly and ration cause if not we'll run out fast and they'll notice
I'm careful
I hate it though
She says she wants to get another one for me
She wants to call the doctor because of how I act
How I act and talk and how I can't hear and I forget everything and how I move and breathe and sleep
Everything bothers her
Honestly I think she's right I think I need another pill to calm me down and keep me in check
I'm too weird
I'm too loud
I'm too forgetful
I'm so much me that I need to control that I need to lock it away and hide it and stop
But every. Single. Motherfucking. Time I try I fail and go back
Everything is wrong with me
And drives everything wrong and everyone away
Everything I do and am is wrong
I need to stop
I need everything to stop
I need to stop being me
It's enough
It's ruined everything
I hate that everything is so dark and ugly and twisty
I hate it all I hate it I hate it I hate it
Everything is wrong
Everything is my fault
I fuck absolutely everything up
And I try
I try so so so hard
I try again and again and again
And I fail every time
The only solid thing in my life is books
That's it
And even that sometimes gets rocky
But my family
My feelings
My friends
My *scuff* love life
My health
My body
My mind set
My stability
My money
Everything is just wrong
Even the roof above my head is literally falling apart
Everything is just wrong
YOU ARE READING
Vents : In A Book.
Não FicçãoIts a book. Full of vents. It probably wont really make much sense but it'll be like quotes or sometimes poems. Whatever mood I am in. Its supposed to help me feel better... Idk why. I'm usually in a bad or sad mood so yeah... But this will be from...
