Vents : In A Book.

Entry eighty eight

my phone broke guys so im using my laptop so no music (maybe) or pictures for a while. im sorry.

Sleep

i dont know what it means anymore

i dont get it

i sit and stare at my dark ceiling

i lay there cold and with fear for when itll take me over. im scared of the dream world im forced to live in. hes there hes always there and its horrible, it taunts me giving me little snippets of whats to come if i get too close, also of what i what to happen.

i miss him

i miss his touch and the warmth hed give me. i miss the clothes hed let me borrow so that i wouldnt get cold. especial his big and fluffy jackets with 10 thousand pockets. i miss him being so silly and bringing an umbrella when id say we didnt need one for snow or rain because i loved both and he wouldnt use it. he didnt want me to get cold.

he took care of me like i was a fragile little glass doll.

like i was weak and stupid and oblivious to all his actons

i was at the time cause i was younger at the time and didnt know better, but with time to come, i learned. i hated it though.

hes a liar. he only wanted to take advantage of my feelings and my naivety

i hate him

but i love him. and i hate that i love him

i hate that in my dreams those two guys from school are back but instead they hit me and push me to the floor and tear my clothes and rip out my hair and cut me up with pocket knives

it hurts

im sick or all the nightmares where everyone i love dies

they all burn or get shot or i kill them by accident.

the worst one is where they kill themselves because of me.

i hate it all

i hate being awake

but i hate sleeping more

but sometimes the sleep world is 10x better that the awake world

sometime all i wish to be a sleep forever

no dreams. just sleep.