Vents : In A Book.

Entry fifty

I freaked out
I control it but I exploded
I had to get out I had to get off I couldn't take it felt like it was getting tighter and tighter
It felt like fire searing my wrists
I couldn't take I had to I couldn't breathe I couldn't move I was going to scream and cry it I couldn't it upset everyone and they'd be disappointed
I couldn't do I had to get off
Usually I enjoy the loving restraints the feeling of having a piece of someone else and person owning me with those pieces
But I couldn't breath
My mind was racing faster than every
I almost collapsed on the floor but no one noticed cause I know to control it
But I almost broke
I was so close
So close to exploding
Idk why I took them off
I couldn't breathe or move or talk except pleading her to take it off
Take it off
Please take it off
I want back on
But I still can't breathe
I need back on but I can't right now
I have this bold white stripe
But I can't breathe
Later I will because I feel empty and cold and naked without it on but I need it off right now
I have never ever taken it off
But I couldn't breathe
But I can't breathe without you
I have three incredibly large marks from you
One on chest calming me as yours
One on my wrist that all the sunlight would only make everything darker as yours is the only one that actually keeps me bright as I am tan but this mark is white and bright your gift and your touch and kisses there
And my heart... it's got swirls and bruises and stitches and band aids and cracks and hole and glue and missing pieces
The repairing marks from you but now the glue is washing away from my tears, the band aids coming loose from my sweats at night from the nightmares returning and coming only worse, the stitches breaking from the how fast and hard and large my heart is beating from everything even a drop of a pen can make me explode. I don't know why my heart hasn't fallen out of my ass but it's probably still stuck cause of all the strings attached to it for I was a puppet at your dismissal for you were the puppeteer of my heart.
I have it to you and my strings got tangled from all the turns and flips and dives and to untangle your fingers scissors were used and I was left with knots in my mind, heart, stomach, soul,... my everything.
I cant reach in to untangle or fix anything for my arms are to short
I'm Weezy again
I'm the pink bunny from TNBC
I'm back to before me
I just I can't I guess
I don't know how and I can't ask or seek help in anyone for I don't want to bother or ruin anyone else
Waste their time or destroy their years and minds
I'm a virus
I've been told multiple times before
I couldn't breathe
I need it now
But I can't
But I want it
I just I
can't breathe.