Vents : In A Book.

Entry one hundread seventy seven

You spineless wretch
You give Aries the name it holds in my heart
You act so cold and flaccid
You pass me by and just pat me
In the most unexpected of places
You act as if nothing happens and we're both ghosts
Ironically since I've been one in your eyes since that day
That day I drive us to lunch
That day to stayed quiet with only me
That day you came over and did what you did
Then ghost
And now here we are
With awkward eye contact
To rough playing
To bumping and dancing and touching
To me driving you home again and make me smile
Make me laugh and play
And reminding me of what I good driver i am
While you sit shotgun and do what I was worried for and most ready for this whole time
Then I get too happy
I can think
And I throw it all on the table
I say everything
All of it
And my voice was already gone from having such a wild time
So the sounds of me on the brink didn't shine through like usual
I can hold it in with EVERYONE but you
But I think you didn't hear it
I hope not
I take you home with me
And I say everything
Start to finish
You say the one thing you had to say
And here we are
Texting like we used to
What I needed
But I feel bad for giving you what we both know you deserve
Your quote exactly
I shouldn't have lost control
Especially with the scenery of the entrapment and confined private space of my car
You say no
I did nothing wrong and I should've done more actually
But I disagree
I'm sorry
Even though you sent a long text as to why you'll ignore them forever

It makes sense, and it also makes sense that you're sorry about it because that's who you are. I don't deserve a sorry, and you know it, yet you still feel bad and you won't feel better till you apologise. That's how people walk on you and then you get even more mad... then apologise again. My dad does the same shit if he yells at me.... if you apologise for it though.... how will the message get through? How will I learn from the mistake? How will I better myself in any way if you apologise for something you had every right to be mad about? I'd tell you to stop being sorry all the time but you'd probably just respond with "sorry" so, I'll do this instead. I refuse to except and Sorry or plea for forgiveness from you for the rest of my life. If you think you were acting like a bitch, then good, I deserve it and more so now, every time you say sorry, imma take it as you giving me an extra "fuck you" to everything you did because I deserve it, and the twisted part is..... I probably won't care because that's how I am. Yell at me, punch me, do what ever and I probably won't care if I deserve it, I'll accept it all

Your infuriating fire makes my water fill my car with steam
And you know it
Fuck you for making me love you for all these years
I don't know how you did what you did
And I think it was on purpose if I really had to guess
But... what do I do now
I haven't been here with you before
You're different yet the same
But I still want every bit

Don't respond to this message with anything saying I'm wrong or that you can't help it, I don't care. It's how things are now, because I'm the one who should be more apologetic, not you

God!!!!!

As long as you don't hurt my trust in you we're good. Idc what you call me, what you say to me, how you say things to me, or why you said certain things to me. Just don't break your vow of silence and think things out before acting upon anything with me and it'll be okay with me. Stop being sorry, stop saying I don't deserve everything, stop being soft on me because I don't care about how mean you'll be to me. Especially for all the shit I've done to you that I've never apologised for and probably won't because I'm a fucked up person and could possibly do it again. For me, sorry means that you won't do anything bad like the thing you're sorry for, so I never apologise even if I should because I can't hold that promise. You say you should of told me immediately but how did you plan to do that? We both know I wouldn't waltz with you into a convo like that, and if I did I just wouldn't respond, so you did what you had to do. Nothing to be sorry for or regretful about in any way

I'll keep my promise to you
I never break a promise
No matter how long it takes me
I'll help
I'll fix it
And you
So we can be ok
I always keep the promises for the ones I love most in the world
And even though you're a piece of shit
You're there
My number one
And here I am pj clad but pants-less
Asshole
My damned island in the sun
The sun making all this dry chaos light aflame around me
My island
You drive me up coconut trees
So here you go
Island in the sun