1984 - A David Bowie Fanfic.

Guilty conscience.

"Blue Jean?" David mutters taking me out of my trance of thought. "I thought you'd like a cup of tea."

"Oh-" I smile to him taking my staring eyes off of the garden outside. "Thanks." I take the warm cup in my hands and feel my fingertips tingle lightly.

"How are the burns?" David asks sitting next to me and putting his arms around me.

"They're fine, just a little sore now." I admit.

I had been home 2 weeks, making me now 11 weeks pregnant. The more I hid it the more I felt like the world was swallowing me up.

"They've already finished rebuilding the stage, maybe you'd like to see it later?" David suggests and places his hands over my growing stomach.

In pure panic, I wriggled away from his large paws of hands, scared he'd notice the hard, growing lump and placed the tea on the coffee table. "Maybe."

"Is everything alright my darling? You've been so-" David stops himself, almost afraid to offend me.

My head sharply snaps round to see his expression and I quickly blurt out a: "What."

"You've been so off since you came back from the hospital." He strokes my cheek and I can feel the guilt flood every inch of my body. Where he brushed my face, it goes a nasty shade of pink... I was embarrassed.

"I guess it's a traumatic thing to go through, I can't recover from it that easily." I spit, finding excuses.

"I know my darling, but you're Rosalind Chester! You always bounce back from these things!" He smiles widely, almost hoping I'd crack a smile too. I hadn't smiled since I saw all the family back together when I came home from hospital, now I barely had a reason to smile.

Everyone had to rush off not long after my return, but that's what happens when people have lives. Henry went back to Oxford to study, meaning dad had to go back home to his, even though I offered the spare room to him. Margo and Madison had to rush back to America - family problems she called it. And El, well, she had barely been in touch since the fire. She seemed to be more horrified by it then I was.

I hadn't even had the chance to tell Margo about the baby, I was almost scared that I'd throw the words up accidentally. I wish she stayed longer, but she promised another visit soon.

"Yes, well-" I cough and look out the window again.

Minutes went past, it was quiet, the boys were out with their friends round the corner and their summer was coming to a close. It was only a couple weeks until Tommy's 8th birthday, and I barely had any presents for him...!

I'm a terrible mother... I shouldn't even be bringing this baby into the world with me as a mother...

I think cruelly about myself. I shake my head in my horrid thoughts and fold my arms around myself, and once in awhile, a finger traced over my stomach. I felt exactly the same as when I was expecting Ziggy!

"I know what will cheer you up." David purrs sweetly to me. "Let's take a drive tonight."

"Oh David, no it's-" I start to reject, but-

"I won't take no as an answer, please Ros?" He begs, and I can barely say no to those oddly coloured eyes, those thin lips and that elegantly structured face.

"Ok." I breathe.

His face glows and he smiles widely to me, and amazingly, I can't help but smile back. As miserable as I was, I did love this man, and somehow, he managed to still find a part of me that he loved even when I was in a mood like this.

"I love you." I mutter and my index fingers glide across the bone structure on his cheeks.

"I love you too." He smiles humbly, and I could see then that he was happy. Genuinely happy with life, with me.

What if I ruin his happiness?

***

I only just managed to get my blue jeans on, I obviously had put on some weight in the last few weeks...! With my red shoes and a long t-shirt on again, I hopped into the side of his open top black car. El had promised to take care of the boys for a night, only if I swore to pick them up early the next morning.

"Ready?" David mutters and starts the engine.

"Ready." I sigh.

The engine rips through the car and it sounds like a hungry wolf as it howls powerfully. I look over my shoulder and see my car and blush at the sight of it, I really needed a new one...! Compared to David's, my car looked like it belonged in the junk yard.

"Any song requests?" David says as we smoothly glide across the busy Brixton roads.

David wore his leather jacket, and as per usual, had his hair slicked back and had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. The creases around his mouth showed off his smile more wonderfully, and David's age made no difference to me. I loved the man, no matter how he looked, soon I'd be showing the same lines even though I was soon 29.

"I'm not really sure..." I say as I begin to flick through the songs. "Ah!" I finally pick a favourite of mine and slide it into the stereo player.

"Ah!" David repeats as if he had almost forgot the song. "Fame!"

Together, in time, me and David bobbed our heads up and down to the beat of the track. "You know," David says. "you inspired me to write this."

"No I didn't." I sulk.

"You did! You talked about fame so much, I thought, well, why not write about it!" David says thinking of the memories from 10 years ago.

"This was one of your biggest hits in the States!" I give the facts, at heart, I was till a number one Bowie fan.

"It was." He smiles and stayed fixedly focused on the roads ahead.

For awhile we just let the music boom out of the car, David drove for miles, so far we were out into the countryside. It must've been late too, no one was on the road. It felt like me and David were the only two in the world again.

David pulls up on a side of a road and keeps the stereo on:

I can't take the guilt anymore... I have to tell him.

"David." I say hoarsely. "I have to tell you something..."

His face is confused, almost already hurt by the news. He knew something was wrong, and now I was about to tell him the truth... I was so scared to ruin this for him. But what if he accepted this? Would he stay this time? Or would he let the fame take him away again...?