1984 - A David Bowie Fanfic.

Not good enough.

The week flew by, David and I spent everyday discussing a new name, none were good enough for my liking.

"It was never this hard when I was having Ziggy or Tommy..." I mutter annoyedly.

"Don't worry my little Rebel, we'll probably know as soon as its born!" David says positively, I was not as convinced.

"Yes but we can't keep referring to it as it..."

"You just did." David says sniggering.

"That's not the point! The point is-"

"You want to find out don't you?" David quizzes me.

Kind of...

"I'm not entirely sure." I reply. "I'm glad we've told Margo now though, she seems pleased."

"Thrilled is more the word I think my darling, she can't wait to help out!" David grins.

"David?" I question. "Why doesn't Margo have another child? She seems to love ours enough to make her want more!"

"She had a very tough time having Madison, and I don't think she wants to go through all of that again." David concludes.

"And then there's me, doing it a third time...!" I smile.

"Now are you sure you've packed everything?" David changes the subject looking around the room for anything that was mine.

"Yes I'm packed, just a little worried the boys will be jet lagged once we arrive home..." I worry.

"They'll be fine as long as they get some sleep on the plane! And if they can't keep their eyes open then let them take the day off school!" David was all too relaxed about the boys.

"What about Zowie? Is he coming back with me or staying with you?"

"Zowie's school is here, I should really move him to an English secondary school. He'll be looked after by Margo mostly, which I know is unfair but-"

"Well if he ever wants to come home, I'll be waiting at Terminal 2." I say.

"That's very kind of you Ros, I'm sure he might take you up on that offer one day soon." David places his hand on my cheek then zips up the suitcase.

"When will you be home?" I ask, almost afraid to hear his answer.

"I don't know exactly little Rebel..."

I hear my heart sink down into my stomach, it was hard. Hard to know he'll be on the other side of the world for at least another couple of weeks.

"Ok." I say, trying not to show my sadness.

I walk out his bedroom and go to see if the boys have packed, I Scan the floor of Tommy's room and see it's neat and tidy and his suitcase is lying in the middle of the floor zipped up.

He must be outside playing I suspect.

I take his case and place it downstairs next to mine. I then went back upstairs and held my breath preparing for the worst for Ziggy's room. I slowly creep in and touch the door slightly, it opens gently and I can see he's made no effort to pack.

"Ziggy Bowie!" I shout angrily through the house. "Get here now!" I roar.

I hear loud footsteps trailing towards his bedroom, I turn around and see him glaring at me with his big eyes that could swallow you whole. "Why haven't you packed?" I say more calmly now.

"I don't want to."

"You have to."

"Why?" He asks.

"Because our plane leaves in 3 hours and you have school tomorrow!"

"I want to stay here! With dad!"

I can't help but feel jealous, it only took 4 months for David to become best parent.

"You can't!"

"Fine!" Ziggy growls. "You'll just have to drag me onto that plane!"

"Oh trust me Stardust, I will!" I snap at him.

I grab his case and start throwing everything into it - I did t have time to fold neatly! For awhile, Ziggy just stands there watching, but soon runs off. Knowing Ziggy, he had come up with a cunning plan that will allow him to stay here and will go and tell Zowie about it. Some days I wish he'd just take orders and do as I'd say, but he was the son of David Bowie and I don't think his mind would ever stay still.

Angered by him, I start to cry.

Stupid hormones...

"Blue Jean?" David mutters from the door.

I wipe my tears instantly, and sniff hard. "Ignore me." I tell him and continue to grab Ziggy's clothes.

"Ziggy wants to stay doesn't he..." David breathes then sighs.

"David I hate this." I start to cry again.

"Hate what?"

"Feeling like I'm never good enough, not for you, for the kids, my family!" I burst out and rivers begin to flow from my eyes and stream down my cheeks.

David crouches down to my level and hushes me. "You mean so much to us Ros, we'd all be so lost without you! You're my Blue Jean, my little Rebel! My darling girl...!"

I cry more, the words were so comforting but I hated going through everyday feeling unhappy.

"I just," I calm down ready for my next words. "I just don't feel happy anymore."

Clearly this shocks David, he knows I was moderately happy before he came back, so now he believes my unhappiness is his doing. I didn't want to apologise for what I had just said, because it was how I was feeling.

"You're not happy? What with?"

"I'm not sure anymore..." I breathe. "Maybe Ziggy should just stay here, get educated here for a short while. He can come home with you then... Whenever that'll be."

"It might make peace my darling." David says carefully, trying not to upset me more.

"Go tell him." I instruct to Bowie.

David says nothing, he just stays there like a statue for another minute. I feel once last tired tear fall from my eye, and as soon as it drops from my jaw, David moves away from me and out of the room.

Maybe it's because Ziggy's getting older he's acting like this...

I try to convince myself.

He is turning 10 in 3 months...

I hated battling against everyone, as if I were the bad person in everyone's lives.

Who would miss me if I just disappeared?