1984 - A David Bowie Fanfic.

3 a.m.

The ticking noise from the clock boomed through the kitchen, there was nothing to see but darkness outside and two cold coffees sat on the table. My eyes felt heavy, it was 3 in the morning and we had discussed this more times than I cared to remember. The boys were in deep sleep, Zowie was staying in our guest room for the night, and soon we'd have to consider changing it to his bedroom now that he didn't want to live with his real mother - but that was a topic for another day.

"Ros, please understand-" David croaks hoarsely.

"I knew you cheated, but how could you of had an open marriage?"

"If I hadn't of had an open marriage I wouldn't have been able to meet you!" He growls then sighs. "Ros please don't say it like that." David sighs harshly.

"What if you cheat on me? I'm not going to be as forgiving as Angie was..." I mutter.

My jaw ached, as if I had chewed on a piece of gum for too long. The weight of it felt exhausting to carry, I wanted to sleep, to pretend this day never even happened... I didn't want to hear the truth!

"I would never cheat on you Rosalind," he cups my face in his hands and whispers: "never."

I look away and push his hands from my face. I wanted to believe him, but David had turned to drugs whilst Angie stayed home looking after Zowie...

What if he goes off the rails on tour whilst I look after this baby?

"David, I'm 29 now, I'm not yet 30... I'm scared of the damage you could cause me, and my growing family." I look down at my stomach and sigh.

"I know, and the age gap between us probably doesn't help... I know you don't, but you should trust me." He almost pleads.

"I know I should... But I can't. Not at the moment."

"Don't let my ex wife scare you! She's doing this on purpose to ruin us!"

"I've never seen you so angry." I whisper changing the subject.

"I was protecting us! Our children!" David tries to explain.

"Or trying to hide the truth from me."

"What?" He swallows hard on his words, clearly finding it hard to keep himself together.

"You never wanted me to know how many times you cheated. I already knew about the drugs, but-"

"That'll stop, Ros, I'm almost 40 do you really think I'll go back on drugs?"

You smoke enough. You smoke enough that it could kill you.

"What about smoking?" I ask cautiously aware of my disturbing thoughts.

"I can't give that up!" David chuckles almost amused I even suggested the topic.

"David, you're addicted to cigarettes, one day they might kill you, you might get cancer or have a heart attack or-" I begin to babble skittishly.

"Rosalind," He purrs calmingly.

David sighs and leans back in his chair, he looks out of the window and glares deeply at the darkness. "I'm not sure where I'm going from here," He mutters then looks deadly at me in the eyes. "but I promise, it won't be boring."

"I can't bare the thought of losing you..." I hum under my breath.

"You won't, and you never will. I'll always be around... Anyway, this isn't the time to talk about this. Everyone always gets more emotional at 3 a.m.! By tomorrow morning you'll have wish we never spoke about death."

"You just hope I forget about you cheating too." I spit.

"Ros!" David growls annoyedly. "I didn't know what I wanted then! It could've been a reason to why I never divorced Angie!"

"What?"

"I thought that, if I divorced Angie, you'd expect a proposal from me."

Yes, I did.

"But I couldn't do that to you, you were so young, I couldn't show you to the world yet, I was scared to hurt you." David says deflated.

"Yet still, even after your heroic attempts, you managed to hurt me by leaving." I bite at him.

"You forget don't you..." He pauses. "You hurt me too..."

"How?!"

"You married Will, you had a child with Will! You broke my heart little Rebel!"

"As you did to mine." I lash back at him.

He sighs, he knew himself that everything he said just wasn't helping. In fact, it made things worse! I did feel guilty, I didn't want to make him feel the strain of it all, but he had to know I was hurt by Angie's visit and his secrets he hid from me.

If Angie hadn't of come, how long would he of kept this from me?

"What other secrets have you kept from me?" I question. "Tell me something."

"What do you want to know Blue Jean?" David smirks.

Unimpressed, I fold my arms and sigh angrily. Seeing the rage flood my face and body language, David's smirk soon falls away and he whispers: "I'll tell you what you want to hear."

"All of it." I say preparing myself for the worst.

"You're sure? Ros, some things I am very much ashamed of and-"

"Tell me." I breathe feeling my nerves shake inside of me, how much had he to tell me?!

***

Once David's conscience was clear, I could see and feel the relief. The weight from his shoulders, slightly easier to carry now that he had told me everything. He worried unnecessarily, most things he said I could handle, most things I had heard before, mostly from newspapers and interviews. I was fine, I didn't feel as angry anymore.

"Can we learn to trust now? And stop pretending? And stop keeping secrets?" I quiz David.

"Yes my darling." David hushes, obviously exhausted from our chat. "Ros, I love you."

I pause, he pauses too and he begins to panic under the pressure of silence.

"I don't blame you if you don't say it back, I'll understand, I can-"

"I love you too." I mutter.

Tiredness was overwhelming my senses, he was right, we'd probably try to forget about this once we had a few hours sleep, I just hoped to continue living as normally as possible...

...But with David Bowie as your lover, was that ever a possibility?