Part of Your World:A Chris Evans FanFiction

27.

Being back with Chris' mum was so lovely. It was like having a warm blanket of love draped around me. Not that it was necessarily directed at me specifically but just being present among it felt amazing. I was also disgustingly excited to see East. After dinner that night, Chris and I went into the yard and played a weird game of football that involved kicking the ball for East to chase. Wrestling it off him and then tackling the person who managed to get East to give it to them.

Chris and I were just lying on the ground together, East dancing around us, after I had tackled Chris to the ground. Chris grabbed my arm trying to pull himself free.

"Man, you are ripped at the moment, Em. Have you been working out?"

I sat up "Yeah, a fair bit. I – um ..." I waved my hands around looking for words "Coping mechanism."

"See I binge eat." Chris said. "Exercise is for work."

I shook my head. "I eat when I'm happy. I actually find food hard to keep down when I'm having anxiety shit. And I like to punish my body so that when it hurts bad enough I can think about that instead of whatever it is that's bothering me."

Chris looked at me like I was at risk of suddenly shattering. Like I was a a glass doll being held by a small child.

"Oh fuck. Sorry. Don't worry about me. I'm fine." I hugged him around the waist. "Just talking."

Chris sighed and pressed his mouth onto the top of my head. "Have you gone to see your doctor?" He asked.

"Yeah, he gave me antidepressants. But I felt all foggy so I stopped taking them. I'm fine though. Really. I mean, I'm not fine. But I'm not going to hurt myself."

"Emily ..."

"I promise, Chris." I groaned. "I'm not, not eating. It's just something that happens when my anxiety is super bad. I've just been working out heaps this time. That's all. Focuses me on something else."

He didn't seem convinced, but he dropped it. "Shall we go inside? Bugs are coming out." He asked me.

I agreed and we went inside. Lisa was watching TV. We said our good nights and headed up to bed, quite early actually. Not at all suspicious what we were planning. Not at all.

I sat on the edge of his bed, my feet swinging over the edge. Chris just stood at the door. He was looking at me with this sadness in his eyes.

"Chris?"

"Emily. I am really worried about you. I don't think I am equipped to deal with what's happening in your head right now." He said.

"Oh god." I cried. It felt like my heart suddenly stopped. I started gulping down air, and I scrambled back on the bed. "You're breaking up with me. You had a break from me, and now you've realise how fucking broken I am and you don't want to be with me any more."

"Emily! No!" Chris said, rushing to me, and taking me in his arms. "That isn't it at all."

I burst into tears.

"You were my rock when I was dealing with all that fear. I would never abandon you like that. I love you but right now you are really hurting. And it scares me, because I can't physically be there to help you. I can't be your rock. I'm really worried that you're going to do something, and I'll lose you. When you get back to LA, I want you to go get help. Either tell your doctor you can't take those meds so he can try something else, or start seeing someone. Can you please do that for me?"