Part of Your World:A Chris Evans FanFiction

32.

 By the time I felt ready to go back and join the real world by myself, Chris had wrapped the movie, so we headed back together. He only had a couple of weeks before Captain America started filming in England, but it was nice to have that little overlap where he could be there for me while I adjusted.

Despite the fact that I was ready to get back into my life again, Chris and I still hadn't had sex yet. On a couple of occasions I thought maybe I was ready, I start kissing him, and rubbing against him. As soon as his hands started traveling between my legs, I would freak out and push him away. He never pressed the issue though. He would always back straight off, and give me the space to calm down, without actually leaving me.

Being back in LA ended up really helping bring back towards feeling myself again. Gaby and I fell back into our friendship like nothing had every happened to disrupt it. I was never more happy and at peace as when Gaby was over and the three of us were just curled up on the couch together watching a movie.

I started back seeing my therapist. He wasn't really happy that I just disappeared for over month. Especially when he found out why, but for a change I actually felt talking to him really helped. I had gotten to the point where talking to Gaby or Chris about what had happened made me feel like a burden. Not that they did anything to make me feel that way, but how many times can you hear someone just say the same thing over and over and not get sick of hearing it? At least with therapy they were being paid to listen to it. Talking about it, especially to someone who I didn't know and who I didn't care if they thought badly of me, felt like lancing a boil. All the nastiness and poison would drain out, and I felt like I could actually heal.

I had fallen quite behind with my field research, and Chris and East started coming out and camping with me to help me gather data. Chris took to it like a duck to water. He really loved being out in the middle of nowhere with his dog. They'd help me set up equipment and then disappear for a while on some hike together while I did what I needed to do.

It was night on one of these trips, Chris was cooking something over a camp fire, and I was sitting on my laptop filling in today's observations. It had been a little over six weeks since the party. Six weeks since I'd had a piece of me taken away.

"Thank you for coming out here with me. I know you've only got a few days left here." I said, as I closed up my computer. "But I think I'm actually catching back up with some of this. I really appreciate your help."

"Are you kidding? I'm loving it. I didn't know you could have a job that just means so much camping. I wish I was smart enough to do it."

I laughed. "It's pretty great being so removed from everything, right?" I crawled over next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, it's something else."

We ate our dinner. Chris was in body building phase for Captain America, so it was a really bland protein heavy meal. I was still having a little trouble keeping food down thanks to my anxiety so I didn't really mind. I just slowly picked over some salad as we talked. We talked about nothing and yet somehow everything. What the next few months would be like with him away. My work. His work. When I would come over and see him. How I might go visit a colleague in Cambridge while I was there. We talked about dumb things like which m&m's were the best, and far off things like where we wanted to raise our kids. I felt so calm and relaxed and just me. We were us. Together. Alone doing something we both loved.

After we ate we sat by the fire and Chris played the guitar and we sang together. A group of coyotes nearby seemed to want to join in, and their howls filled the air.