Part of Your World:A Chris Evans FanFiction

31.

  I was awake when Chris got up the next morning, but I pretended I wasn't. At eleven he came in to check on me, rubbing my arm to wake me up, despite not actually being asleep. I rolled over and pulled the quilt over my head.

"Are you hungry? I can bring you something."

"I don't know."

"Why don't you get up? I can run a bath for you."

"I can't." I groaned.

He lay down next to me, and rubbed my back. "Do you want to talk about what happened? What you're feeling right now?"

"I don't know. I am such an idiot and I don't want you to look at me differently."

"Come here, ya meatball." He said. The use of the insult that was so very him made me smile, and I rolled over and curled up pressed against his side. "This wasn't your fault. This is something that happened to you. It isn't you."

"You weren't there. You don't understand."

"Then help me to."

I told him everything, all the details leading up to the night, what I remembered about what happened. About being in the hospital afterwards. About Gaby coming and taking care of me. How stupid I felt. How worthless. How I felt everything was my fault. That I was used up and not in control of myself any more. How scared of how this had changed me permanently, and I didn't know how to move on from it. The words spilled out of me, and the tears came again. It felt cleansing though. Like I was getting rid of it. Chris never interrupted me, never tried to belittle my feelings, or make light of them. He just held me and listened and reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere. When I was done speaking we just lay there, him holding me, and I drifted back off to sleep.

I woke up in the mid afternoon and he was gone. I decided to get up, and I wandered down stairs. I heard him speaking to his mum in the kitchen, so I stood in the hall listening.

"I don't know how to help her get through this. I feel helpless. I just want to kill the people who did this to her."

"I know. But there's nothing you can do except be there for her. It's just awful." Lisa sighed.

"If they'd actually raped her, Ma..." Chris growled.

"But they didn't. She got away from them. She's a strong girl you got there."

"You should have seen how she flinched away from me when I went to hug her at the airport. I'm scared to touch her now. She's always been so affectionate, and touchy. They've really hurt a fundamental piece of who she is."

I felt like turning around and going back upstairs, but East noticed me and came running to me, snuffling around my feet.

Both Chris and Lisa got to their feet and came over to me. Chris wrapped his arms around me and led me into the kitchen, while Lisa went straight to food.

"You must be hungry, Emily. What can I get you?" Lisa asked.

She didn't really wait for an answer, which is good, because I wasn't sure I had one. She just started preparing food.

I sat at the table and I stared at Chris. I felt like I needed to cry again, but I was determined not to. He thought that they damaged a fundamental piece of who I am? I was broken. They broke me. How could he love me any more if I had such an important part of me broken?

Chris moved over next to me but also sort of over me. He had an arm over my shoulder and his other hand on my knee. I felt myself shrinking down, trying to make myself smaller. I had to fight every part of me that just wanted to flee. I can't make a scene, this isn't his fault.