Regain I ✔|EDITING|

chapter 29

John's POV

I sat beside her occasionally walking around the room just to sit back down. Her family would come see her often but kept insisting I take a break from her but I couldn't. I would often grab a bite to eat at the cafeteria but immediately would go back to her. I couldn't leave her in a time like this not when the doctor reassured me she can hear what we tell her and I need to be here and make sure she knows she's a fighter and can get through this.

"Hey honey its me" I said as I kissed her hand lightly.

"If you can hear me, wake up, for me. I miss you a lot. I miss how your eyes would look at me. I miss your kisses. I miss your heart beating with mine. I'm dying without you.." I paused wiping a tear as I lightly giggled.

"I know right John Flinch crying, not my finest moments." I chuckled again. If Amanda was conscious she would have laughed too. I frustratingly rubbed my temples because moments like this reminded me of how broken I truly was without her.

"Wake up wake up" I kept repeating with my head in her covers. I couldn't live without her.

I slowly lifted my head up because Dr Samuels walked in and checked up on her.

"Everything okay doc?"

"Yes everything seems in check. We cannot really diagnose what is keeping her in her acoma, it could be a mental issue. She might be trying to hide away from something she experienced, like the kidnapping. She just needs time, that's one of the most likely diagnosis, I'm not saying its definitely it. Her vital signs are okay. Her drip is still efficient. Her bullet wound is healing exceptionally. All we need now is for her to wake up in the mean time, go home, take a shower" he said kindly.

"With all due respect I can't leave her, not now" I said as I squeezed her hand.

"I thought you'd say that, you can use my shower in my office if you'd like. Its there for when I pull all nighters but you can use it." He said as he walked out.

"Thank you " I said aloud.

My attention went back to Amanda. Her, sitting in that bed. She didn't deserve to be in this situation, no one really does. I breathed out as I felt a sob choking me.

"I don't want you leave me" I breathed out into her hand.

"Don't go, you can't leave me" I said squeezing her hand tightly.

Her hand felt warm against mine, not like usual but it was still warm. I had to remind myself that she was still here with me. She was right here and she wasn't going anywhere. If she doesn't make it..

I don't even want to think about it, but I'd never forgive myself because this is all my fault.

I rested my head against the side of her bed, a painful sigh escaped my lips, the constant beeping of her heart monitor gave me hope that she was going to wake up full of life, but at the same time it tore my soul in half knowing that all the machines she was connected to are helping her to survive. And the guilt eats me all over again.

"You know" I started

"I love you so much, even when you told me you were leaving when we were younger, your smile was engraved inside my heart, your laugh, music to my ears."

"After you moved, I was miserable, I really regretted not telling you about my feelings for you, but it all worked out because you came back to me"

"Amanda, you, you know how much you affect me, emotionally, physically, spiritually. You are the centre of my world, my life is meaningless without you so wake up soon honey, and brighten up my day"

I sighed as I stared at her pale face, the colour of her rosey cheeks gone.

"I don't know if you can hear me , I heard that people in comas can actually hear the outside world, so you better be crying on the inside because I gave a hell of a love speech."

I sadly smiled and kissed her cheek, moments like these I realized that I am absolutely nothing without her by my side. People always said loving someone was too much of a risk. Loving someone is like, and I quote from one of my favorite quotes , "Love is giving someone a gun and hoping they don't pull the trigger"

How ironic.

"John" I shot my head up as I heard who it was.

"I'm so sorry" I said as I went to hug her.

"We need to know what happened in detail, everything." She said as I sighed. I hated repeating this story to anyone but it was her parents. The tears in their eyes gave me the will to explain the horrid story and as soon as I started it eventually finished as I was welcomed with distraught faces.

I wouldn't blame them for how they're feeling. Her mom stayed silent while words were threatening to escape her dad's lips. I already knew he blamed me for what happened, I'm the one who brought him in our lives. And as much as a rational thought would be that it was neither anyone's fault, anger can make a person act on feelings.

"I'm really sorry" I softly said to her mom who by now was in tears. There was nothing I could do but only hope for Amanda to wake up because that was the only way I'd gain back their like for me. I needed her to wake up more than anything.

"Please leave us with her" her dad sternly said and I could feel the coldness and emptiness in his voice.

I stood up heading towards the door as I glanced at her once more hoping in that moment she would open her eyes but the only sound heard was the beep of the monitor.

I walked out slowly because frankly I wasn't in a rush to go anywhere. I only wanted to stay here.

"John Flinch" I heard a voice say.

"Yes" I lowly replied.

"You need to come with us for questioning" the police guy said.

I nodded lightly feeling like all my energy was lost. I was never meant to have such a loss in my life.

He was my best friend

And Amanda needed to live or I don't know what I'd do with myself. They were all I had left.

I walked silently behind him hoping this nightmare would soon end. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. I don't think I can take anymore pain.

Not anymore.

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..Weliqueen💋