Regain I ✔|EDITING|

chapter 30

John's POV

Emotions hit me from all directions. Today was a hard day. Having to see Jared's lifeless body in the coffin. Made me realise that this wasn't a dream. That my best friend was actually dead and the love of my life was fighting for her life.

It took a lot of me to leave the hospital. But Jared needed a proper goodbye and I being one of the only people he loved in his world, there was no way I would miss it.

Everyone had already left but I just stood there, staring at his grave. He didn't deserve to die even if he did it to himself.

"Why Jared" I asked as I tried to suppress up a sob. I was all cried out. A part of me would always ask myself why he would do it. Being in love with Amanda didn't seem like a reasonable reason to take his own life.

"John" I heard someone say as I shot my up slowly.

"Marcus, I didn't think you had any business with me" I seethed

"And I didn't think my idiot of a brother would kill himself for a girl, who clearly wasn't interested" he coldly said.

"I know you never cared about him, but please have respect for the deceased" I reprimanded.

He walked around Jared's grave until he spoke again.

"You can't really make accusations, he was my brother of course I loved him." He replied calmy.

"You could've prevented this, he told me he was not sick anymore" I shouted out.

"And you believed him, Jared had a multiple personality disorder. He may have seemed fine with you but he wasn't. Something in his head could be triggered and Amanda did it for him" he said anger filled in his voice.

"Are you trying to say something" I got up and looked him in the eye.

"I don't want to fight, not now. I came here for you to take me to Jared's house. I'll take his possessions unless you want some sentiments" he jokingly said.

"This is not a time for jokes don't you think" I angrily said as he laughed.

"John stop acting like he died of natural causes, he chose to do that to himself and as much as we would like him to come back he won't. This is hard for me too, I lost a brother, now I'm left to handle our mother alone. But he's not really gone you know." He paused "Stupid idiot. He left me, my crazy little brother." He paused again. "Look John I can continue pouring my heart to you but this conversation would be a lot better at my brothers house."

"Fine" I got up as I entered my car and he his. I drove in silence. I wanted to feel this, this pain. I wanted it to hit me like a truck and leave me to heal of it. I needed to extinguish the feelings I had in myself.

I began hitting the steering and nearly got the car off road but I gained control. I tried concentrating on the road through my blurred eyes but it was getting harder and harder.

I wiped my eyes trying not to cause a car accident. I gained composure as I saw a familiar house. I parked the car and slowly got out of it.

"This is it?" He asked eying the perimeters.

"Yes" I answered to the obvious fact.

"Pretty cozy" he said as he got in the house and stared in my direction.

"John, you know if you really want the house, it's yours, you've been there for him more than I have..." He tried saying before I cut him off.

"No of course not, I have fond memories here, if I keep it, I don't think I'll be able to move on. Your family can have it. Please." I said suggestively.

He came and he hugged tightly. "Thank you John, really you're as amazing as he mentioned you."

I smiled at the thought that he would talk with his family about me.

"He talks about me" I kindly asked

"A lot, you wouldn't imagine, from highschool, to your music career even the little trip to Australia. He loves you...loved you" he said sadly. "So thanks that you kept him tamed, when he still lived with us, I thought he'd kill himself earlier with how many times he tried."

My mind wondered to all the things I never really knew about Jared. The fact that I knew more of him when it was too late to do anything about it...to help.

"Its weird I never knew all of this, and to think I thought I knew all about him" I said lost in thought.

"I'm sure he didn't mention it because he saw it as a thing of the past, I thought it was a thing of the past." He said as he stood up.

I just sat there waiting for him to come back from where ever he was until I heard a door bang.

He was in Jared's room.

I shot up in his direction as he came back with a piece of paper in hand.

"This is for you" he said as he handed it to me.

I looked at the folded paper, with my name written on it. I looked up at him nervously.

"Just read the f*cking paper" he calmly said.

I slowly opened it. It was a letter.

John

I hope its you whose reading this and if it is then I have a few things to say. Firstly I used all the money of the card you gave me, I never was the one trusted with money, remember you'd always be the banker between us. I'm sorry I never told you about my problems, I never wanted it to go this far, in a few minutes I'll be gone from this world with the woman you love and I'm sorry that, that I loved her too. You'll always be my best friend. My brother. Tell everyone I'm sorry. But I doubt they'd believe me but it doesn't matter, no one stays mad at a dead guy. I truly am sorry. I love you bro

-Falcon

I sniffed as I was trying to stop the tears that over whelmed me. Marcus stood there, still oblivious to the message that was written on the piece of paper.

I sat down and rubbed my eyes, trying to gain posture but the more I tried, the more I broke down.

"Are you okay?" Marcus asked.

"No"

I didn't expect him to comfort me. It would just be awkward, I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts but my phone vibrated causing me to take it out of my pocket.

"Yea" I answered weakly.

"She's awake."

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