I trugged to my bedroom, allowing the heart radiating around the bedroom to submerge into my skin. I thanked my lucky stars that my parents were gone.
I removed the articles of clothing as I observed me battered thighs. The scarrings taking place as they marked my body. I hated what have become of me but I just felt empty.
I knew I wasnt willing to consume anything today, but I would attempt to not purge the nothingness of my insides.
I walked to my dresser and pulled on Missguided Lana Mid Rise Burgundy skinny jeans. I grabbed a sweater from Brandy Melville which was to be the Ashtyn Knit Cropped sweater.
I sat on my bed and placed black socks on my feet and slid my foot one by one into my Leather Chelsea ankle boots.
I threw a light cream white infinity scarf around my neck as I fixed my hair into a sock bun with a few strands dangling out in curls.
I looked at my bland face and scrunched up my nose, pulling out my makeup bag and decided to decorate my face with the usual concealer, eye liner, mascara, and a lip tint.
I pulled away from the distrusting mirror and took my purse from the bed and walked downstairs.
I grabbed my phone and checked it, emptiness filling my body once more as there were no messages.
I pulled up our messages and chewed on my lower lip as I typed through a simple message and sit hend after correcting a few common misspelled words.
Thank you very much auto correct, you're something I hate.
Hey Ash, I hope you have a safe ride to your next stop. Thank you for the kind letter, talk to you soon. x -Brin
I inhaled and shoved my phone in my bag, grabbing the house keys off of the hook as I left the loft and went into the cold New York air.
I walked my way down to the coffee shop, the wind whipper around my body. Creating that icy affect to my cheeks and a pink tint to my nose.
I walked inside and saw Riley at the register. I needed to hug her, I dont know why, but I needed to there was that urge.
I walked right behind the register and just straight out hugged her. She was confused for a moment before hugging back fully. "Im sorry.." she whispered, I looked at her in confusion.
She tapped her wrist and her eyes brimmed with tears, I understood what she spoke about and just hugged her.
"Why" I croaked slightly, my voice coming out soft. She looked at me and held up a bracelet. It was the bracelet that Channing always wore.
It was a gold chained bracelet with a plaque that had a heart cut out on the right of it. I smiled and touched it softly as I pulled out the necklace she constantly wore.
Riley's breath hitched as did mine when I saw the bracelet.
"We both recieved a box." she spoke quietly. I nodded and took her hand, "She's watching us, always.." I told her before hugging her tightly.
I forgot the reason I came, but I stayed a few more minutes then left.
Ashton
I looked at the text sent from Brinley over and over and over.
Why couldnt I just grow up and reply. But I just couldnt. It hurt too much so I threw my phone onto the table and walked to where the lads were and watched as they played Play Station.
"Wanna go at it?" Luke asked, I nodded and took control of his spot as he went to make himself some food.
"Ashton, Brinley is calling you." Luke poked his head into the back of the bus with my phone in his hand.
I hesitated before standing up and leaving the lads to go to one of the bedrooms and slid my thumb across the screen to answer.
"Hi." I breathed out, running my hand over my face.
"H-hi." I heard her teeth chatter, my nerves got the best of me. "Brin, are you at her grave again?"
There was no answer on the other line, and to be honest. It scared the crap out of me.
"Brinley, you are arent you." I scolded.
"Im sorry, I just. Riley cut and she wore her bracelet and I dont know, I miss her." she cried out. I remembered Riley being Anna's daughter.
Those three girls were obviously the best of friends.
"Love, listen to me ok?"
I heard a squeaked out okay, I took this as my chance to go at it.
"Brinley, I know you miss her. She misses you too, believe me. If she could be here to just hug you and make you better she would. But you cant allow the hollowness of her absense to hurt you and bring you down. She wouldnt want that." I started off.
"She would feel bad for hurting you. For being the reason for hurting yourself.. I hate how I cant be there to hold you in the cold, or to wake you up there, to cuddle with you on your couch. But we have dreams and you should live yours in happiness. Not regret and sorrow."
"It will be okay one day. Im not saying soon but it will be. You will one day be able to walk down the street with your head held high and smile. Really smile. Because you know you made her proud with overcoming the struggles of life that had been a road block for quite some time. You need to allow yourself to do that because even you yourself know that, that can happen.
I dont know your life story, or what caused you to do this to your precious body but Im not judging you. I just want to help you along the way. I dont want our attatchment to dissapear because I physically, am not with you. But I am with my heart and within your own. So please dont hesitate to call me if you are at that breaking point. I will distract you and talk you out of it." I told her, my heart lurching forward and my stomach bouncing around taunting me with all that I just spilled.
"Thank you Ashton.. Honestly, thank you for telling me all that. Im walking inside the nearest store now to warm up. I'll talk to you tonight. Goodbye" she told me gently before hanging up.
I knew I shouldnt be caught up on someone who I meet on the tour, but I couldnt help myself getting caught up on her.
