I walked the streets on New York, taking in its honking horns, and voices of every other person walking along side me trying to reach their destination.
I walked into the coffee shop, seeing Anna and Riley talking at the cash register. Their heads turned to me as they smiled widely, "YOU'RE BACK." They yelled and ran towards me, Im assuming my mother had told them where I had been and Anna looked at me, "You were with that Ashton boy werent you?" she smiled.
I blushed lightly, nodding at her statement. "Riley." I spoke, looking to her, she looked back, "Yes?"
I took a deep breath, "Would you like to come visit Channing with me?"
I had lost most of my friendship with Riley when Channing passed, but we both knew we still had that bond. And I think I should begin to repair it. "Can I mom?" Riley asked her mother, knowing Anna would allow her. We went up to Riley's room as she changed.
I looked at my outfit in her full length mirror as she got ready in the bathroom. I was wearing Ashton's sweater along with black skinny jeans and my white converse.
Riley came out in black jeans and a black long sleeve with a tan sweater over it along with red converse. I smiled seeing as we were similarly matching. I sat on her bed for a moment. "Riley can we talk for a sec before we go?" I asked as I twirled Channing's necklace in my fingers. She fixed the bracelet and nodded.
"Im sorry for pushing you away when Channing passed. We were all so close and I ruined that between us when I found out. I dont know, I've just gotten so close to her and it broke seeing this happen. I didnt know what to do and I pushed you away. Im so sorry and I just-" Riley laughed softly and hugged me, "I understand Brin, I really do. I felt the same, and I know what went on and I get it. But the point is, we're building our friendship back up." she smiled and got up bringing me along as we went downstairs, through the shop and onto the busy streets, trying to flag down a taxi.
---
We sat at Channing's grave, talking to her like we used to. Making jokes more to each other, but just to feel like she was here with us. I told them both about my Seattle trip, even about me and Ashton kissing, our bonding, I just explained it all as I saw Riley spazzing out. I could sense Channing was laughing and dying from the excitement captivated from Riley's form.
I looked to them both, and down to my phone where it was a text from Ashton.
I hope you're having a lovely day x -Ash
I locked my phone, ignoring his text message as I continued my day with both Channing and Riley.
I sat my purse on the kitchen counter as I walked into the loft. I heard yelling upstairs and my eyes widened. My parents were fighting.
"SHE WAS WITH A BOY. IN SEATTLE. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS." My father's voice boomed. "DOES SHE NOT REALIZE THAT DANCE IS HER PRIORITY NOT SOME HOME WRECKER WHO IS IN A DAMN BAND THAT THINKS HE CAN GET MY DAUGHTER TO GO HALF WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR HIM." I cringed at his chosen words.
"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER TOO YOU KNOW. I HAVE A SAY IN WHAT SHE DOES AND I WAS OKAY WITH IT. SHE GAVE ME HER WORD." She barked back at my father.
"AND YOU THINK SHE KEPT IT. THAT BOY IS MOST LIKELY A HORMONAL TEENAGER. OUR DAUGHTER IS PROBABLY NO LONGER A VIRGIN BUT A SLUT." my heart ached as I felt an anxiety attack acting up.
I heard a door slam and rough stomps, I panicked but I dont think I was quick enough by the time I reached the door because my father slammed me into the front door, smacking me across the face. "DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT FIND OUT." He yelled into my ear as his hands gripped a hand full of hair and my upper arm forcefully.
I took a deep breath as I tried to respond only to get my head hit against the door, "DONT BOTHER TRYING TO SAVE YOUR SORRY ASS." my father's voice as clear as day in my ear as he threw me onto the floor, bending down to slap me once more.
"YOUR LIFE WILL BE DANCE AND HOME, THAT'S ALL. DONT EVEN THINK FOR ANOTHER SECOND YOU'LL GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE NOW YOU BROKE MY TRUST." He spat before leaving the loft. I felt blood on the side of my head from when my head hit the table when he threw me to the floor. I crawled up and carefully walked to the bathroom, I shut the door and locked it, turning the shower and music on instantly breaking down into a panic attack.
I struggled with stripping down, I placed Ashton's sweater on the sink so it wouldnt get bloodied as I pulled a brand new razor out from under my sink and didnt waste any time to slice my thighs.
There were long cuts and short jagged ones. I allowed some to sink deeper than others as I stopped counting how many cuts I achieved between both thighs after 30.
Blood flowed from the cuts and onto the tiled floor, I crawled into the shower and continued slicing until I felt the numbness in my legs.
I set the stained razor on the side of the tub and watched all the blood pool from my legs, I soon enough became dizzy and wiped my decorated legs to try and remove the blood.
After the shower, I sat on the edge of the tub as I cleaned and placed gauze and bandages on my thighs, taking deep breaths to steady myself due to the fact that I lost a lot of blood and I still am.
I kept the long towel around my body as I picked up the dirty clothes and Ashton's sweater as I walked quickly but carefully to my bedroom, closing the door and following the locking process.
I set the dirty clothes on the floor as I threw on a underwear and bra, afterwards placing dark grey baggy sweatpants on tying the string tight enough to not fall off my already thin body.
I pulled a white sweatshirt over my head and lied on my bed, the pressure on the cuts stinging but I chose to ignore them.
I grabbed my phone, reading the blurry screen.
Are you okay? -Ash
Brinely, we're you serious about the barely talking to each other deal? -Ash
Please tell me this is a joke.. -Ash
Did you harm yourself? Or did you throw up something?.. -Ash
Brinely?.. -Ash
I read them on the home screen so he doesnt know I saw them before completely losing consciousness.
