I sat on the couch, trying to figure out where I would live. I dont think it's that suitable to live with Ashton and the boys because I dont even remember him. And seeing those pictures, and gaining all that information my mind is even more confused than before. "Can you take me to the shop please?" I asked Ashton as he came out his bedroom with a new pair of clothes.
He nodded and led me out of his hotel and called a cab to take me, as soon as I arrived, everyone else was there. Before anyone could say anything I spoke up first.
"Nothing happened, I still dont remember him but I was informed. As for right now I need a place to stay and that's what I need to look for." I spoke, setting my hospital bag on the counter and began rubbing my temples as a headache started to form in the frontal lobe of my head.
Anna handed me 2 ibuprofen and a bottle of water, "Brinley, we have a spare room if you want to stay here. Somewhere you'll be familiar with.." she spoke carefully.
I nodded, "That would be great actually." I told her, "It's literally an empty room so we would need to go buy your furniture and paint it and get your clothes from your house."
I thought about bringing the furniture from my room at home, but it held too many memories. "Well, lets get to it right?" I asked her curiously, she nodded and grabbed her purse with her keys. Finally an actual car.
"We have to go to the studio, but we'll come by after okay?" Luke told me, I nodded as I hugged all the boys, even Ashton, and I dont know but his hug felt different, but I shrugged it off.
"Wait can I look at the room first?" I asked, "Oh of course!" Anna said as Riley led me up to the room. I observed it for a second, the bed would actually go into a small elevated area that had an octagonal top with glass windows and bookshelves. I liked it, alot. There were french doors and a fan but other than that there were white walls and everything was empty. The room was smaller than my own but I was perfectly okay with that.
~
I began painting the wood board walls a beige/light yellow color that made the room feel cozy and bright. Some portions I left white. Anna helped me arrange the small circular chair/footrest in front of a chair that was placed near the french doors. Behind that was empty space, in which I got a vanity and a small sofa.
Riley was setting up my bedspread while Anna had to go back downstairs to manage the shop that I caused her to be away from as I kept hanging tons of clothes in my closet, luckily it was a walk in closet and I had enough room.
(The picture on the side is what the room looks like x.)
I was nervous to be walking into the loft, but my mom wasnt there. And I knew where the safe was, so I took about 10,000 dollars that they wouldnt even notice, especially not my mom. She would assume she bought something.
I sat on the floor of my new bedroom, "Did you ever imagine this? That we would be living together?" Riley asked me, just as she finished and made her way over to me, sitting down in front of myself. I nodded, "Yeah, I did. But I always imagined Channing being here with us.." I spoke honestly.
And then I felt my chest contract, causing a small pain. "I need to go somewhere. Okay?" I told Riley, she was okay with that because she had to help her mom downstairs. I told them both that I'll be helping down there once I felt stable enough and they were perfectly okay with it. Once Riley left, I quickly changed.
I knew I would be wearing all black so I put on high-waisted jeggings because I didnt want something super tight since I just got out of the hospital. I put on an H&M chiffon tank top that fell a tad below my belly button and threw on a Reiss Milna Sheer Contrast Cardigan over it then slid my black Timberlands on my feet.
I grabbed my bag and phone and left the upstairs area, thankfully we were really busy but that was also because 5SOS was in the corner eating so I was able to leave easily. I called for a taxi and told them exactly where to go.
Channing's grave.
Once I got there I walked directly to her grave and placed white tulips, wanting hers to contrast from everything else here. There were reds and yellows and pinks, but no white, and Im glad she was the only one. I sat down in front of her, touching her tombstone gently.
"Hey Chan.." I took a deep breath, "It's me, Brinley.. A lot has happened and I dont really know what I can do but explain this to you.."
I looked at the grass, and began picking it slightly then stopping because it was as if it was her, that these blades of grass were her. "So, my dad almost killed me.. He basically knew I was seeing Ashton and at the new studio, he practically choked the crap out of me and told me if he caught me with him again he would kill me in front of him. And I didnt want that for Ashton so I disconnected myself from everyone. Him, Calum, Luke, Michael, Riley and Anna. They all ended up in my bedroom, and I really tried to get them to leave but they just wouldnt leave. So my dad came home, and I was panicking and my dad saw them all, he saw Ashton. So he choked me infront of all of them, and they were in shock that they didnt know how to respond."
"It wasnt until I passed out that something was done. But I wouldnt wake up, I was just in this empty vast white room with clouds, and they wouldnt go away. Everytime I would try to talk my voice faded out automatically. But then my chest began to hurt and everything got dark and it felt as if I was in a burning house, and there was no way out. But there was, there was a light. And that light kept talking to me, trying to get me to move.
Now, I dont know if it was you but if it was, you saved my life. But now, I dont remember one person. And I dont know if he was the most important person in my life, apart from you, but I didnt remember a single thing of Ashton. I remember everything that contained 5SOS, but Ashton was never in those memories and I feel so bad for it."
I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing I probably looked insane from talking to a grave, but this is the only way I felt connected with her anymore, as if this was the only was for her to know what is going on in my life.
"I love you, I'll be back soon." I kissed her tombstone and stood up, walking away from the graveyard that held a few people mourning over a recent loss and walked my way back to the shop, there were still tons of people here, and obviously the boys were still cornered but they were talking to each and every fan and it warmed my heart but seeing how many of them were so skinny and looked so healthy, I envied them and ran upstairs and into my new found bedroom.
I sat on the foot rest and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Dont do it. Dont do it. Dont do it. I kept telling myself over and over. I needed to try and resist the urge. I just got out of the hospital, I dont need to go back in. I stood up and walked out the french doors that led to a balcony that Riley's room had access to as well. I embraced the cool airs blowing around and sat on the couch that was beside the railing though had a screen to kep us from falling over on that side.
"Brinley." I froze, because I recognized that voice. I looked over, seeing Channing, but I knew I was seeing things. Stop it, you arent actually here. I panicked slightly and heard my door open and close rather quickly, I looked through the doors and saw Ashton breathing heavily. He didnt notice me but began looking around the room, he noticed it was me. And I tried looking at the picture he held in his hand but I couldnt, and I didnt remember putting any pictures up but Riley probably did, when he placed it down and moved out the way I saw that it was a picture of us. I knew I never had that picture, I never had any pictures in my room except of me and Channing, or the 3 of us girls.
Riley put it there. And she did for a reason.
I stood up and walked into the room quietly, observing him as he took in the bedroom. "Brinley." he spoke gently, I looked at him. "How are you feeling?"
