I stopped short of breath and looked at the three girls standing in front of me.
Marley laughed loudly, "Ha! I was right. She does starve herself." she laughed. Stacey looked at me in disgust, "To be truthful, she obviously just threw up her food."
A pang hit my chest, ouch. "That's probably why she doesnt have a boyfriend, or to be correct, has never had one." Macy shoots.
I walk past them and into the crowd of family members with blurred faces. I wanted to text Ashton, but I needed to be strong even though I wasnt.
I needed to be good with this moment and show that I could depend on myself like I have for the past almost 2 years.
I walked up to my mom, "Can I go home.." I spoke softly, she looked at me and nodded I quickly left this place as fast as possible, but I didnt go home but I went straight to Channing's grave.
I sat infront of her tombstone, looking at the engraving of her name.
"Im sorry.." I told her softly. I looked around looking for something, anything. I saw a metal pole in the ground, marking where another grave was to be placed.
I pulled it out and cleaned it up with my numb hands and literally pulled my tights down enough to puncture my left thigh with the sharp tip and glide it across my skin. I stopped after a few strokes and pulled my tights up, fixing myself and placing the pole back where it belongs.
I looked at her grave, and stood up, pulling my phone out and dialing the one number I knew that could help me.
"Ashton."
---
I layed on my bed, my pajamas and fuzzy blanket comforting me. Ashton's face decorated my computer screen as we skyped for the meantime.
"My gran made me eat.. It was alot.. I threw it all up.. Every bit.." I whispered. His facial expressions looked hurt, as if he kind of just wanted to leap forward and hold me in his arms.
But we all knew that wasnt possible. He was somewhere else in the states and I had no control over the distance.
"Brin.. You cant.. You cant keep doing this to yourself.." he sighed, rubbing his face and I could see the moisture along his lash line.
"Did you harm.." he asked, he knew I cut my thighs, he kind of figured that out when he saw me dance that one time.
I looked at my keyboard, "Brinley!" he said hurt, the pain inflicted upon his voice. "Why.."
"They saw me.. They knew, they just knew and talked crap about it.. Ashton, I cant.." I told him, not really knowing what I couldnt to. I just couldnt was all I knew.
I buried my face into my comforter as I could feel his eyes burning into my damaged body. "I miss you.." he spoke gently.
I peeked up to see an innocent face which eyes held a burning passion for the person before him, that person is me. "I miss you.." I replied in honesty, knowing my emptiness faltered every time we spoke, it made me feel as though he was here with me even when he wasnt.
"Touring isnt the same when I cant see you atleast once." he informed me, I knew I was already blushing but I couldnt help myself.
"When can you take a break off dance? Just a few days.." he spoke softly. I thought for a second, "Now. Please" I told him, obviously needing it. He got on his phone, making a few arrangements. He looked back at me, "Gather a bag for 3 days, and go to the airport. Your flight here to Seattle leaves in 2 hours and I'll be there to get you." his smile broadened due to the deepness of his dimples.
Those shits were beautiful.
I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I felt sick but it wasnt for that reason. I was nervous, I would be with Ashton Irwin again within a matter of hours.
"Now go Brin, I'll see you soon." he told me smiling, I blew him a light kiss before waving and hanging up on him.
I pulled myself up and did a weird dance move on the bed before hopping off and changing.
I pulled on some thick black leggings and paired them with a Vero Moda Women's Rice Sun Fig Purple Fitted Jumper, yet it looked burgundy, it was cropped slightly and I was okay with it.
I pulled on the coat I was wearing earlier from Forever 21 and pulled on my white infinity scarf.
Sitting on my bed, I slid on my burgundy 1146 Dr. Marten boots.
I stood up and fixed my hair into a sock bun and put a bandana on along with it and pulled out my Victoria's Secret Pink duffle bag and shoved clothes inside of it.
After packing, I wrote my parents a quick note and left it on the kitchen counter as I took what money I had leftover from when they left and walked outside the loft and down to the busy streets, there wasnt much traffic, right now as people were still celebrating Thanksgiving with their families. I flagged down a taxi and told the man to take me to the airport, I had half an hour left so I told him to step on it.
---
I stepped off the plane, the inside of the cold airport not helping. I turned my phone on and walked to the food court, the warmth making my body happy.
I felt a pair of hands wrap around my body from behind, I tensed up for a second before hearing his hearty laugh, I turned around and hugged him, allowing his scent to fill my nose.
"Ashton." I breathed out finally as we stood in the middle of the food court hugging. "I missed you.." I told him, my emptiness going away completely.
"Let's go to the hotel." He told me smiling, I nodded as we left the airport and took a taxi to the hotel and we got out hand and hand, walking inside.
"We're sharing a room, I made sure to rent one out for the next few days." he told me happily. I silently thanked him as we walked to our room.
"The room across from us is Calum, Luke and Michael. Down the all is One Direction. Our Management is a floor down along with theirs. Is that ok?" Ashton told and asked as we stood infront of a white door with the numbers 234 in gold.
We walked inside and Ashton closed the door, I walked to the bedroom to see only a single king bed. I bit the inside of my lip, "I can sleep on the couch.." he said gently.
"No no, its fine Ashton. We've slept on the couch together before a bed is not much different." I told him.
I looked directly into his eyes, the sexual tension in the bedroom surely rising by the second.
