I sat in my room, my Dorothy Perkins dress that was fully black with a white collar that matched the babydoll styled dresses fit to my body as sheer tights were amongst my legs and my feet were buried into the Sperry Topsider Adeline Boots.
I felt like Wednesday Addams, and I kind of just went with it, I blame the Addams Family movie marathon that was broadcasting itself on my TV as I tried to sleep but couldnt.
It's been a week since I had last spoken to Ashton. I wanted to but I kind of needed to allow him to do his own thing for a while. Then talk to him when I thought it'd be proper.
But me being myself, I never found anytime proper. Father continued his beatings every other day due to his stress rising and his drinking increasing. His drunken days coming back to him.
It reminded him of my brother, something I would occasionally hear him weep about. My brother was 2 when I was 6 and he was killed in a car crash in the busy New York streets, all because my father was drunk. We never minded to the fact he died, not in a heartless manner but to ease the pain of our family.
Moving my hair to make a fancy braid in it, I observed the slightly fading marks on my jawline and cheek bone. It hurt when I touched it, but it needed to be covered. To be erased.
The doorbell rang and I walked out my bedroom and to the door in the loft, seeing I was the only one home. I thought maybe it'd be Riley since we had been engaging more into our friendship. But man was I wrong with who I saw at the door.
"Ashton." I breathed out, his presence taking all the oxygen out of my lungs. "You've ignored me for an entire week and-" he stopped talking, and I automatically knew what he was observing.
The bruises that marked my face and newly pressed ones upon my collar bones and left cheek. I quickly turned away from him so he didnt have to see the mess I had fallen into in his absence. I felt his soft, gentle hand on my arm. I pushed away and looked at my shoes which were messily tied. "Why are you here?" I choked out as I tried not to let my disgusting state get to him.
My legs ached from the dancing with Matthew to the cutting of my thighs, there werent enough room on the top layer so I resulted to the sides as well. I wanted gone from earth when my father had decided it was a decent idea to swing at me.
"I wanted to make sure you were ok.. Brinley I made a promise that I would help you! Who.. Who hurt you?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly as I knew he was on the verge of a breakdown due to my infliction.
"N-no one Ashton. You shouldnt be here." I told him as I turned around, facing him fully our eyes locking and I could see the tears ready to pool over onto his creamy cheeks. "Dont cry.." I whispered as I stepped to him to wipe the tears away from his lash line.
"I dont like seeing you hurt.." he choked out as his arms encircled my petite waist and his face buried into my neck. "Have you, personally, harmed yourself?" he hesitantly asked as I went rigid in his arms. His head pulled up as his eyes basically pleaded with my own to show him, knowing I wouldnt verbally speak my markings.
Taking his hand in my own, I quickly pulled him to my bedroom and made sure to lock the door and the place a chair underneath so if my father were to come home in one of his drunken states I, nor Ashton would suffer the consequences of his harmful blows. But I would take Ashton's in a heart beat.
I sat Ashton on my unmade bed as I slid my boots off and looked at him, the bags underneath his eyes shown he hadnt gotten a good night sleep in a while and I couldnt help but blame myself. I reached up under my dress in a way that didnt slide my dress all the way up as I pulled my tights down to reveal my newly exposed legs.
A sharp intake of breath filled the room but soon a choking sob followed in suit. I rushed forward to hug Ashton's neck as his face rested on my stomach. I stroked his hair as he held my legs gently, knowing any true pressure would pain them.
"Th-there's so.. S-so much.." he choked out as he ran his fingers over the tattered markings of my unruly blade that needed replacement after how much I've used it this past week I've been home. Ashton got up and I swore he was going to leave me until he pulled me onto the bed, lying me down.
His hands slid my dress up enough to show where the marks started to where they ended, I watched as tears fogged his vision and fell onto my aching legs.
He leaned over me, his hands on either side of my legs as he began to place kisses to each cut he saw. New or old, healing or re-opened. There wasnt a single spot on my thighs left un-touched by his lips and I loved how it felt. It made me feel safe and I couldnt help the tears flow from my eyes.
I silently praised myself for not putting my makeup on yet. I felt Ashton pull my tights back onto my body and the boots afterwards onto my feet.
Weight pushed down onto the spot next to me as I huddled closely to him as his arms instinctively went around my waist.
"I never want you doing this.. I want you to know that Im here for you. That I care for you, that I would never want anyone hurting you and if I could be here and around the world at the same time I would.. I know I cant take you with me, that would be selfish of me to make you drop your priorities." he spoke and I felt the warm tears rub against my cheek as they slid down his own.
"Im opening up for the Rockettes." I spoke, out of breath. The kind of breath taking way when you finally release a secret you've held captive in your mind for a long while. Ashton pulled me closer as he told me how proud he was of me and how he hopes he could make it to the show.
"It's a duet though.. With a guy named Matthew.." I spoke slowly, and I knew he tensed out of jealousy. The jealousy one would feel over their girlfriend, or crush, or significant other.
"I want to be the only one who gets to hold you like this.." he whined slightly before brushing his lips against my own. I held back to not seem eager, not only out of generosity but I was scared of being hurt once more. Of being empty. I looked into his brightening eyes before he pulled me to the point in which there was not spaces between us, every curve of our bodies molded with each other's before his held my face carefully with his left hand as his lips pressed into mine, creating a perfectly synced movement.
