Broken Pieces [H.S]

Chapter thirtyeight

Listen to You & I and Half a Heart by One Direction, while reading this.

Julianne's pov

You never know the true feeling of heart break, until you actually experience it. That's how I feel right now. My head is constantly hurting and the lonely, broken feeling in my heart won't go away. It's kind of like that annoying brother that won't leave you a lone. Except, this is pain, that keeps coming back. It never goes away.

I only go out of my room for classes and to get food from the store. Why go out when you feel like the next person you see will stab you in the back and leave you there to die.

I have yet to forgive Harry and the last time I saw him was two and a half weeks ago on Thanksgiving night. I don't want to see someone that hurt me like he did. I guess running away from him was better than forgiving him and knowing that he was capable of doing it again.

My heart is telling me the opposite of what my mind does. It's telling me to go and find him and get him back. He is probably out at some bar right now, fucking some girl, but I know he doesn't care because he would of come after me. He would of told me that he loved me and that he would do anything to take me back. To not give up on love.

Love. Something that is so simple yet complicted at the same time. It takes one action and it can be broken easily. But why? Why can't things be fixed so easily? It seems as if everything in this world was made complicated like a puzzle. A puzzle that is unsolved and when it is, you have your life in front of you.

I have yet to solve my puzzle. There are many knots in my life that I can't seem to figure out. Something is bugging me though. I know what it is but I don't want to believe it because if I do then I will go crawling back to him. 

If I say I love him, I will crumble. Completely break. I already have crumbled though. No one has come to pick me up though. I haven't found that prince charming that will sweep me off my feet. That's because I already have found him in some ways. It's Harry. It always has been Harry and never won't be.

From the first day we met when we were three, I loved him as a child and I still do now. I still love him even though he cheated on me. Even though he hasn't come back to show me that he cares, but why would he? He deserves someone better, and that's what he will get.

If he doesn't want me then fine.

But if he does want me, there will always be a place in my heart for Harry Edward Styles.

***

On the Saturday before Christmas I remembered that I hadn't talked to Rebecca, Emily, and Shay in a while. I decided to shoot them all a text and tell them to meet me at the coffee shop on campus.

Maybe it was time for me to move on and stop being depressed about something that happened a while ago. I didn't want to let go though. I wanted to run to him and hug him. I wanted to so badly kiss his warm soft lips and tell him that I loved him. I wanted to cuddle with him. I just wanted him.

I loved everything about him and I couldn't stand not being with him. But I had to remind myself that he has probably moved on and that I needed to stop obsessing over all this crap. He probably cheated as a way to get rid of me.

The thought brought tears to my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. He was an asshole who I didn't deserve and I needed to get over it. I was going to get over it today. I had to promsie myself that.

***

Harry's pov

The last two weeks have been horrible and painful. Her face when she thought I didn't care about her broke me inside. I wanted to run to her and tell her that I still loved her and that I never stopped loving her but it was useless.

Harry she's moved on. Don't waste your time anymore.

My subconsious was right though. She probably has forgot about me and moved on. I just can't stop thinking about her. About what I did to her.

I need to give her space though. I want to apologize but if I do I know I will end up saying something wrong.

Julianne means the world to me. She really does. I love her so much, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I actually cheated on her. I care about her so much and I don't understand why I would ever have the mind to do that.

i've known Julianne since I was three. Even then she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on and now I feel as if I have ruined the chance of ever being friends with her. I would love to be more than friends again, but I don't know how she would forgive me.

But she has to find somewhere in her heart to forgive me. I can't lose her. I want her back in my arms, safe and with me. I need her.

But I don't think she needs me.