I laid on my couch. Staring blankly across my small, messy bedroom. I was lost in thought of what I wanted to do. My friend sat, watching jackseptikie on her tablet. Then a small toy soldier came into view as I blinked. It was white and red, with a white fuzz around its neck, and head. I stared at it. It held a small wooden sword in its right hand. It faced my bed. I remembered the day I got him. I had named him, "Mr. Sir." Because my best friend had given him to me as a birthday gift. It was sweet, and tho I'm not crazy about soldiers, this one was special. Simply because of who gave it to me.
My best friend. A light, a shining star in my sky of darkness. Beautifully bright, and wonderfully kind. A great friend of mine. Always stuck by my side. I'm his sister.
Will this ever change? Will I ever escape this constant, horrible feeling?
Questions linger my mind like a swirl of a tornado. Hitting me where it hurts the most every day. My mind a constant, endless pain.
I don't know how to stop it. But I will not stop being his friend. All I know, is that I will stand by him, no matter the pain. No matter the heart break.
If only he knew...
He will never like me the way I like him. I'm just a pawn, in his board game. His 'sister'.'His constant helper.
If only he knew...
Pain hurts the worst. My mind a constant torture. The one thing that hurts the most. I know how to stop it. But it will only hurt more. My mind and heart at constant debate. Fighting a monster on the inside of my head. Alone..
Thinking one day he would know. One day he would see.
I thought he was my knight in shining armor.. I thought he was sent to me by God.. and maybe he was.. I'm so confused..
No one knows my pain...
I'm just a pawn in his game..
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Thanks for reading this crap. I am a weird person. Comment questions, or anything u want me to write or answer. If u even read any of this. I'm sorry for this. I am a christian, I believe this is God's bump for me before something great. It feels good to write, and get it out. Thanks for reading. Sorry for being a downer. Goodbye my lovelies! Ily.
