This is really really random. But I've been home alone all day left to my thoughts and I need to get it out lol. So here we go.
I think there was once my friends saw me on full blown murder mode. It was directed at one person, and everyone was saying that person was dead meat. *censored name* looked at me, then looked at him, and said, "nice knowing ya." *another censored name* looked at me and laughed and then said, "she's gonna kill you, you know that right?" That was the one day all of my friends were kinda scared of me.
It was in 8th grade. It was trent actually. Me and him were really really close for like 3 years. Till I found out he was a lying asshole. But he up and left out of the blue for two months without a trace, sent most of my grade into a frenzy, then came back and didn't explain anything at all. Looking back idk why I was so mad.
I guess i was pretty ticked off that my best friend left and didn't tell me why and then came back and acted like nothing happened.
Then of corse there was this whole drama thing. Everyone took his side on it, I ended up friendless for about 2 weeks, and I was the asshole at the end. The only one who took my side was morgan. Idk why I didn't see it sooner. He singled me out as the asshole everytime something happended and no one batted and eye. They just decided they hated me until I excepted defeat.
So why I still forgave him in the end and still fought for the fact he was a good person, idk. My mum always says I see the best in people even if there is none. It's a curse.
I guess I knew deep down he was a bad person. But I still had hope that he could fix it. That I could help him onto a different path. Of corse I was wrong in the end, but I still had hope. I always tried to see the good in everyone. I had hope for people who didn't really deserve the chances but I still tried. I guess I was hated so much for being the weirdo goody two shoes, but also maybe because I was the easiest to knock down. I was an easy target. But then my depression and anxiety started fighting back hard, and I changed a lot. Middle school was hell tho.
So why did I forgive him after all the things that happened? Everyone still says he's been through a lot and he has a reason for everything. But I think they might be wrong this time. Yeah I was on y'alls side for 4 years. But then I saw his true colors for not the first time. We keep turning over New stones and putting people back in our lives that have disastrous written all over them.
Why? Maybe because we are blinded by false truth, or we just want to try to fix people. We want to make it better and try and help people advance as humans. Maybe people see good somewhere that I don't in him. Maybe they know something I didn't all those years ago.
Or maybe we are all just idiots putting false hope in something that has none.
The world is changing. People are growing up. Some of them already have paths laid out before them and some have already chosen to go down the wrong ones. Who am I to manipulate others choices? That's not my life. I don't have to follow it. What other people do is not my concern. But when it comes to my friends, that's when I get involved.
What are you supposed to do when no one believes you? I guess you let them live their lives and stand back as you watch them crash on their own. And when they find you again and say sorry, you won't have to except it. But you will.
Why? Because that's your friend there. Apologizing for their mistake. Apologizing for not believing you when you tried to help them. Apologizing for turning on you for someone who hurt them in the end. And you are gonna except it. Because even if they left you, you never left them.
Be the better person. Even if you are cursed for everything you are worth. This world is a piece of shit. But you know what? You can be the better person and make a difference.
Be the hero for once. Be the thing everyone fought against for so long. Everyone who made you the bad guy. Everyone who stabbed you in the back. Everyone who left you. Show them you are the hero. They are the villain.
Leave this world as a hero.
But remember, not everyone is evil. There is more evil in the world then good. But if you believe the world is evil, it will be. Have hope that good is still there and it will be. One day.
So I guess what I'm saying here is even tho my friends have been assholes sometimes. Even tho My friends have turned on me so many times for someone who isn't worth it. Even tho I've been through hell and back all because of this one guy. Even tho I've been wronged so much. I won't be like them. I'll be the better person. I'll live up to the statement of hero. Because I'll be the good guy. I'll try to help and do the right thing. And I'll try to save those who fell out.
And maybe he is ok now. People change right? And people change people too. But it takes one person to ruin an entire group. But, maybe I can contradict his bad vibes with good ones. Fight fire with Fire. In the movies good always wins. But in real life that's a overstatement.
We are growing up. Let's just see what happens. Maybe, maybe everything will work out. Either way, God has a plan. It will fall into place one way or another.
