Today.. honestly kinda sucked.
Idk, I was having a good day till lunch.
When lunch rolled around, I sat in my seat silently after a small conversation with a few people. There was a lot of chatter going on around me but I didn't hear any of it my mind was so loud.
I looked at my friends, watching them as they laughed with the one guy I can't stand.
But being the first time I'd actually looked at him and heard him talk in about 5 days, my heart tried to convince me that I missed him when I know for a fact I don't.
I think I really need to rethink my friend choices or at least move somewhere else. I can't take it and if none of them will listen to me then I'm done.
Not trying to be petty but I'm trying to do what's best for me.
I just, I can't.
Listen. He hurt me. Really really hurt me. How someone could, could lie and cheat on so many people and still sleep at night I don't know. It makes me sick.
And even after knowing he's done these things, idk it just hurts for people to still take his side. To still be wrapped around his shit finger. That same finger connected to that same hand that has held the hands of so many other girls and never loved them.
That same hand that has held so many hearts and been so care free with them before crushing them.
That same shit hand that belongs to that same shit guy that STILL has so many fucking people all over him.
I left early out of the lunch room today. My mind tormented me all day afterwords.
I'm thinking of going silent for a bit again. I need my heart to heal and I need to surround myself with different people for a little while.
Just until I'm stable.
If I ever am again.
