Dear mum,
Grandma is not the only reason. She was the last straw. This whole thing, this is what's been bothering me for months. The reason I wanted a therapist? Because I wanted help to get over this. Miranda is over it. I should be too. But I can't let it go.
It didn't help that I lost all of my friends. And just sitting here in my room alone doesn't help cause I'm stuck to all my thoughts. I wanted help because I couldn't drop it. The Divorce, all the family issues, all my friends starting to do bad things. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore.
Yesterday I went on a walk to call lainie and I broke down crying on the phone to her. Which is not the first time. I've tried so hard to be strong for you. Cause it's not your fault with the divorce. I don't blame you. So please don't apologize and feel bad. It just effected me more then I let on because I was trying to be strong for y'all. I'm sorry that it's effected me so bad. I'm trying.
6-2-18
Dear dad,
I shouldn't have been trying to tell you how to parent Katie. But I wasn't in the complete wrong. We won't have Grandma much longer. That is your mom, dad. And if she goes home with barb, there's a big chance we won't get to see her again.
Plus, Katie stressing her out is not helping matters. When I said Katie doesn't like me, I meant it. I got tired of her attitude towards me. It just angers me. A lot. That you are pushing everyone away for your new family. And before you start attacking me, I'm not the only one to notice.
Most of your friends miss you and are pretty angry that you have been treating them like strangers. Which makes me mad because they have been there for you durning everything. All your last break ups, your divorce.
I know mrs. Christy makes you happy. I know you love her. And I'm not trying to stand in the way and tell you to not. I'm just pointing out how you have changed and why some people are pretty angry and don't invite you to stuff anymore.
I miss my dad. You guys all see me as selfish for not wanting to spend time with you unless me and you go out but that's the only time I get to have you to myself anymore.
This whole divorce thing? It's not easy for me. Not at all. It's been bothering me for years. And recently with the new wedding and New family it's made it even harder.
I went to a therapist to see if I could get help to let go. She said that I have a big chance of having depression and I had to continue seeing her through the last few weeks of school. I never told you this because I know you wouldn't believe me. You'd say I'm just being a dramatic teen. But I got professional help. And she said I definitely have something going on.
I've been trying to be strong for you and mum. But it's hurt me more then anything. It didn't help at all that my friends started getting into bad things, where I have to watch them destroy themselves.
When I say I don't like being there because I'm forced to do stuff constantly with y'all, I mean it when I say it stresses me out. Katie stresses me out. She stresses Grandma out too so don't say I'm being dramatic.
Believe it or not, I miss you. A lot. So much that I have broken down several several times about it. About my broken family. And you can ignore all this or whatever. But this is your kid, trying to reach out and explain the entire complete truth to you. So if you decide to ignore it then that's on you. I tried. I'm trying. I've been doing nothing but trying. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect upbeat kid you wanted. I'm trying.
6-3-18
