Have you ever wondered why Dan and Phil mean so fucking much to me? Why I always talk about them, why when someone asks me why I'm happy I'll always say them? Why they are always my first reason to smile? Why I call them my hero's?
Because they are the reason I still smile and the reason I'm still alive.
It was the summer before 7th grade. School had just let out, and everyone was getting ready for their summer plans and whatnot. I was home, laying around and not really doing anything.
So there's this website called quotev. It's a creative reading and writing website, much like this one. But it's much older then wattpad. Anyways, I had some friends on there that I talked to, every single day for hours. I'd talk to them in the mornings, I'd talk to them as soon as I got home, I'd talk to them almost 24/7. When I wasn't talking to them, I wanted to be.
Anyways, long story short my friend used to be in a privet school. Years ago. She was friends with these really nice people, before they moved and she did too. But these people I've been talking to on this website, I kid you not, where these same people from her privet school.
I have reason to believe this, not just from them both recognizing each other but in general. I can't explain how, but for some reason I just knew they were not lying.
So, after months of talking to them, i excepted that I loved them. I mean they were basically my life. And one of the brothers, (can't say his name) I fell in love with. He was my first love, and he became the reason I was always happy. We never really argued and we always talked. Sometimes till it was so late I regretted it the next morning.
Ok, I know you're thinking, "what does this first love of hers have to do with two internet nerds?" I'm getting there don't worry.
So me and him were together for 4 months. My longest relationship. And it was all happy bliss till one day, I decided to tell my mum.
I can't remember all of it. There was a lot of screaming, with words I can't remember. There was a lot of fighting and tears. My world was crashing down as she said I was never aloud on that website again.
Me and him ended up breaking apart, and I was destroyed. All I did was cry, scream and lay in bed with tears running down my face along old tear stained paths. I don't know exactly why it effected me so badly now that I look back, but I loved him and he was just ripped from my hands.
I went into what one can only call depression. I constantly cried, I stopped laughing and smiling all together.
The thing that scared me the most, I started contemplating suicide.
I had to hide every weapon from sight, I was scaring myself. I started praying and praying for the pain to please stop.
One day, I clicked a random quiz out of sheer boredom. I had been crying for a few hours, as I normally did when I had nothing to do and my mind started taking over. This was a good month or two after this happened, and my parents had divorced. A lot of the blame was set on me for that.
I haven't seen myself as very important. My parents split, it was somehow my fault. I'm the let down of a child. My sister has always had perfect grades. Honors classes all her life. She's growing up about to get married with the boy she's dated since she was 13. She's turning 20 this year. She's going to become a doctor.
I'm struggling to find someone who will love me again, I'm almost failing most everything. I want to be a tattoo artist and marine biologist.
I'm a let down.
So I clicked random quiz. The quiz I got was "I can guess your favorite YouTuber." I thought, "why not? These are normally pretty accurate." So I clicked it. I got some guy named Danisnotonfire. I had never heard of this nerd before and judging by the picture he looked really emo and like someone who try's to hard to be cool.
But hey, why not?
So I searched this guy up on YouTube. A list of a lot of videos came up, and the first one I clicked was his fanfic, "The Urge." Now, for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a really horrific fic dan wrote as a joke, that tells how phil died, then came back as a vampire, and bit dan and turned him to one too. Now, this being the first thing I clicked, I was traumatized.
I stared at my screen in utter terror and horror. But I choose to just laugh and I was like, "ok this guy seems interesting and not snobby. Let's find something else. Don't judge him on one video."
The next thing that came up was "The Photobooth Challenge." This is where I met phil. I would have never known this video would change my life.
Durning this video, it managed to pull an actual, real laugh from my mouth for the first time in months. When I laughed, I scared myself because it sounded so broken and foreign to my ears, not having heard it in months.
This video, for once in two months, gave me the feeling called happiness.
I laughed and laughed at this video till it ended, and I decided I needed more.
I spent the next few weeks binging their videos till I had seen every single one. And that's when my life started changing. They made me feel... not alone.
They made me feel important and like everything would be ok. They made me smile and laugh again and made me feel like life was worth living.
They gave me happiness and gave me back my reason to live.
So when I say that they mean the world to me, and that they are my hero's, that's exactly what I mean. They are hero's.
