Side by side

19

Do I ever find love again? I wonder. Can I ever feel for a man again? As it's seems right now then no. I still feel that I'm married to Kyle and I would feel like I'm cheating. But.. I gotta admit; me and Marshall have become very close and I enjoy his company, not that I like him in that way but it's just really nice to have a male friend, a male company is different and I don't feel so lonely. Me and Marshall have a lot of things in common and I relate to him. Since the day that we took a day off work and spend the day together then I've felt very different about him. He makes me happy and I want to get to know him more but the question is if he'll let me in. Marshall is complicated and some days it seems like he's shutting the whole world out, some days he opens up to me and tell me things about his life. He's not a simple guy.

I've been working here for 8 months now and Marshall has just come home from a long trip in New York. I've differently missed him around for the past few weeks he's been gone and today he comes back. We're in late September now so it's about to get cold outside now, I sit outside with my tea and my big jacket. I like to drink a cop of tea at the morning outside the studio before I bury myself in work.
I see Marshall's car driving through the gates and I feel happy as this is the first time seeing him in weeks.
He gets out of the car where he immediately lays eyes on me, a tiny smile comes on his face, the one you can barely see. He walks towards me now and I really can't wait to hear about his trip.

"Good morning." He says.

"Good morning." I say smiling.

"Ain't you cold?" He asks and stops before me.

"Not really." I say smiling. "How was New York?"

"It was cool." He says not giving me much info. "Has everything been good here?"

"Yes, nothing changed." I say smiling.

"Cool," he says, "Imma go inside and catch up on things." This is what I mean; sometimes he becomes very distance. Marshall walks inside and leave me out here alone. I enjoy the fresh air and I warm my cold fingers on the warm cup. I wonder if something happened in New York since he really doesn't wanna tell much, or if he just has one of his days. Marshall has his days where he's just silent and doesn't say much.

When I finish my cup of tea, I walk inside where I now bump into Nickle in the kitchen.

"Good morning." He says.

"Good morning." I say. "Have you spoke with Marshall yet?" I ask him now, curious if he's noticed anything different about him.

"Yeah." He says. "He's in the studio."

"Is he okay? I mean.. He didn't say much to me."

"You know he has his days girl." Nickle says smiling and leaves the kitchen.

I take a water in the kitchen before I then walk into my office to start working. There's a lot of work that needs to get done now that Marshall is back, so there's a lot of people to call, a lot of people to email and a lot of paperwork.
Suddenly when I sit deeply concentrated in my work then I hear loud moans from Marshall's office. Is he kidding me?! I thought he had a bit more respect for me now. I walk out of my office in anger and go into the big studio where Nickle and Denaun work with a beat.

"Is he really fucking Tammy in his office right now?" I ask them in a pissed tone.

"Not Tammy." Denaun chuckles.

"Is he really fucking some girl in there?" I ask.

"You heard it." Denaun says referring that he haven't heard anything.

"How little respect does he have for me?" I ask but I walk out of there before they get the chance to answer. I don't need an answer, because apparently he doesn't have much respect since he's fucking some girl in the room next to me. I don't mind that the boys bring girls here but couldn't they do what they need to do in one of the studios? Well.. the other guys do it, just not Marshall.