Side by side

28

Christmas and new year is over and we've now gone into a new year: 2012. Things are not better with Marshall, he still gives me the cold shoulder and things haven't been the same. You can say that he keeps things strictly professional. He began to have a lot girls over after our disagreements which practically force me out of my office sometimes because of the sounds. I never say anything about it to him because I know that I won't accomplish anything by confronting him. I've tried many times to talk to him about all this but he's not interested in doing that. Next month we have to go on tour and it would be very nice if me and Marshall could actually get along. I'm bringing my mom to watch Tyler when I work and I wouldn't like for her to witness the awkwardness. Everyone else seems to stay out of it, even Emily who never shuts her mouth seems to stay out of this one. I am sorry and I am regretting what I did that night, I should never have gotten that drunk and I should never have flirted with him. It's really not like me to do those things and I feel disgusting. I feel that I'm no better that the girls he brings around here. I want to explain him that I'm not like that. I want him to tell me what's going on with him and why it upset him that much? He said that he doesn't have feelings for me but why did he get so upset then? Why won't he talk to me? I'm not buying it. When I ask Emily about it then she just says that she doesn't know anything, the Emily who always knows everything.

"Is things settled for the tour?" Marshall asks me from the door.

"Almost, there's only very a few things missing." I say.

"When can you have it done and ready for the staff?" He asks.

"In the end of the week." I say.

"Alright, just send it to Marc and Paul when you're done." He says and he pushes himself off the doorframe ready to walk away.

"Marshall." I stop him and he just looks at me. "I know that it's not really in your interest to talk to me, but we're going on tour soon so will you please talk to me? I don't want it to be awkward."

"I'm just keeping things professional." He says.

"But.."

"You know, since I can't seem to separate things." He cuts me off and blinks at me being very provoking. With that he just walks away and again I didn't accomplish anything. I'm so close to cancel on this tour but I don't wanna bail on the others.

...

I get up and walk outside to get some fresh air as I've been working non stop since I talked to Marshall. I put on my long jacket and walk outside where I lean against the wall and look up in the sky. Those weeks on tour are gonna be a living hell with Marshall's attitude. I'm right back at where I started, only this time it feels worse because I actually care about him.
I hear the door swing open and I look to my right to see Denaun walking out of the door. I don't know for how long I've been standing here but I just like the fresh air right now.

"You okay?" Denaun asks me.

"Yes." I sigh and shrug.

"You don't sound fine." He says and walk over to me.

"It makes me really sad that me and Marshall can't get along." I say. "Again."

"Yeah." Denaun says. It's always these short answers I get from them, no advice, nothing.

"What should I do?" I now ask for the first time. I really need an advice here.

"I ain't getting into to all the shit that is going on between you and Marshall." He says.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking for advice." I say.

"You really want my advice?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Get your ass together and admit your fucking feelings." He says. Seriously?

"I don't have any feelings for him."

"Don't give me that bullshit Jenny." He says. "We all saw how you both were acting in the snow that day and we all saw how you acted at the Christmas party. You can't blame that on the booze. You only act like you and Marshall do around each other if you like each other. Y'all ain't kids no more, you don't act like fucking teenagers unless you have some feelings caught up. I know both you and Marshall well enough to say that." His words leaves me with no words. He's kinda right.. maybe I'm just denying my feelings? But I could never be ready, or at least not already. Marshall is a great guy but I also have a lot of issues with his behavior and his way of speaking. I couldn't be with a guy like him, could I? A guy who raps about the things he do. A guy who's bullying people like he does. Wait.. what am I thinking? I'm not even ready to be thinking about the possibilities.

"Marshall doesn't like me in that way." I say. He said it himself.

"You're blind if you can't see why he's acting the way he does." Denaun shakes his head.

"I'm not ready to be involved with a guy."

"And he's not ready to be involved with a woman but there's no need to lie about the feelings that's obviously there." Denaun says. "Just lay all the fucking cards on the table because you're the one who's been handling the whole situation wrong, you gotta realize that." Wow, I asked for his advice and I literally got smacked in the face.

"I don't think he'll accept it." I say.

"I like you Jen and I think you're cool but I can't blame Marshall if he remains pissed at you." Denaun shrugs.

"Hey, Marshall is a very complicated guy. I had no idea that he felt that way about me." I get a little defensive now.

"But when he practically admitted it then you shouldn't push him away like you did, specially not when you feel the same way." He says. I wasn't aware of those feelings, I'm still not completely aware of them. I'm not so good at getting in touch with those kind of feelings because they scare me. All I know is that he makes me feel good and I feel happy when he gives me attention.

"Cut me some slack, will you?" I frown. "I've been very confused."

"But it's not too late to make things right." He says. I now see the gates open and Denaun now looks in the same direction as me. A beautiful blond woman walks through the gates, she actually doesn't look like the regular girl that Marshall brings around here.

"If he likes me then why does he keep having sex with those girls?" I ask him.

"Do your math." Denaun says. "The only way to get over someone is to get under another." The woman now walks in our direction and Denaun smiles at her. He knows this woman? The guys usually doesn't socialize with each other's "girls".

"Hi Denaun." She says and hugs him.

"Yo, how are you?" He asks.

"I'm good." She says and she now looks at me. "You must be Jenny." She says and put her hand out for me to shake.

"Yes." I say politely and shake her hand.

"I'm Kim." She says. Marshall's ex wife?

"Oh, hi." I say still smiling but now I feel extremely awkward.

"What are you doing here?" Denaun asks Kim.

"I just gotta give Marshall some papers from Hailie's school." She says. "But I'm in kind of a hurry so I talk to you another time." She says and runs inside. He told his ex wife about me? Okay.. maybe Denaun is right; I should just lay all the cards on the table and hope for the best. I can't do it today though, I need some time to think about how I'm gonna say it.

Sorry for the short chapter. How do you think Marshall is gonna react when Jenny tells him about her true feelings? Do you think he's too angry to accept it?