Tobias - after Allegiant ✔

8

The first six months after her death were the worst days of my whole life. I had moved all my stuff to my apartment on the north side of the river. Between all the boxes I just cried and suffered. I didn't want to see anything or anyone and couldn't leave my place on the couch. Sometimes Christina was brave enough to come inside to make sure I ate something, because I had already stopped with eating at that point. I was always angry with her, didn't want to see her. At one point I got so mad that I opened the box that was closest to me, grabbed the first thing I could find and threw it at her head. She left, and I got mad at myself because I became like Marcus. The next day I went over to her house to apologize; the first time I came outside in six months.
   
After that it went better. Johanna offered me the job I still have. I went outside more often. Until the one year anniversary came of her death. I hid myself in my apartment for three months after that. In the second year one month. It's almost a miracle I was able to pick myself up almost immediately.

+ + +

When I walk downstairs the next morning and go to the doors, I see my mother. She has an apartment a few floors above mine. I haven't spoken to her since she called her just a girl. And I don't know if I can bear it to speak with her now.
   
"Tobias?" Evelyn sounds insecure.
   
"Mom," I say, and I nod my head in greeting. A part of the tension falls visibly of her shoulders.
   
"Tobias, I would like to apologize," she says. "What I said was not right and not true at all."
   
"I can't just forget what you said, Evelyn."
   
"I know that." She sighs. "Your relationship with her was strong, I understand that now. I still think it's unhealthy of you to still be in this phase of grief, that is not something I'm going to take back, because it's true, but I do understand why. Sort of."
   
I look at her. "You two never got along."
   
"No, we didn't."
   
"What would you say to her if you would meet her?"
   
"Tobias, she's dead."
   
"Yes, I know that," I snarl. I breathe in deeply and let go of that breath slowly. "But in an afterlife or something," I say calmer.
   
"Thank you for changing my son," she says. I feel the tears fall down my cheeks and a lump in my throat.
   
Evelyn walks over to me and hugs me. I just let her. Actually, I kind of need the support.
   
"Apologies accepted, Mom," I say. And Evelyn presses me even closer to her. "I have to go, Mom."
   
"Of course, I'm sorry." She lets go of me. "You pass by after work. I have chocolate cake that needs to be eaten."
   
I smile and nod.

+ + +

I run from my car to the entrance of the Hub to get in the warmth of the building as soon as possible. I hate the winter.
   
I greet the woman at the front desk and shout to hold the doors when I approach. Someone holds his hand between the doors and I slip inside.
   
Brian stands in the corner with a pale face and exhausted eyes. A bit like the face I see every time I look in the mirror.
   
"Everything all right?" I ask.
   
"What do you think?" he growls. I look at him through the reflection of the elevator doors. "My mother has cancer."
   
"I'm sorry."
   
"And I didn't delete that message." He shakes his head. "I know everyone's going to say it's my own fault."
   
"I won't," I say. "But I do agree with everyone."
   
The doors open and I walk away before he can react.
   
Johanna is already busy, as usual. I walk to my desk and plump down on the chair and put down my bag.
   
"Two days in a row," says Johanna without looking at me. "It's getting better, isn't it?"
   
"I suppose," I say and sign in. No messages today. Another positive point of not missing a day. "When do you leave?"
   
"The day after tomorrow."
   
I nod. I want to react, but someone knocks at the door. Johanna and I look at each other for a second. Then I call: "Come in!"
   
Brian peeks inside.
   
"Tobias, could you please come with me?" he asks.
   
I frown and walk with him to his office.
   
"What's up?" I ask.
   
"I don't know how to delete that message. And you... you worked with computers before, right?"
   
I think about the days back in the control room of Dauntless. Zeke and I always played games and sent each other weird texts
   
"I'll see what I can do."

+ + +

That afternoon I drive home satisfied. The text is gone and the traffic lights should be here soon
   
I turn the car to a narrow street. Behind me drives a bus. It's pretty empty for this hour – most of the people who work go home around this time. In front of me approaches another bus. There is no space to pass and the busses don't stop. I panic – there is no way to escape.
   
Then there falls some kind of peace over me. I'm going to die. I'm going to get sandwiched between the busses and I won't survive. Within a few seconds I'll finally see Tris again, after three years.
   
I relax and close my eyes. As the busses bump into my car I fall against the steering wheel. Thousands of pieces of glass rain down on me.
   
Someone runs toward me and touches my neck with two fingers. He or she – I can't tell – says something, but I only know because I see the lips move, not because I hear.
   
My chest hurts so bad and I can't breathe.
   
In front of me appears a girl with dull blond hair and big blue eyes. Tris. She walks to me and smiles.
   
"Tris," I whisper – I think I whisper, anyway, I still can't hear.
   
She doesn't say anything. She wraps her arms around me. I smile. I've wanted to feel her embrace for so long now.
   
The world starts to blur and I let her take me to unknown places.

A/N - two chapters because 7 is short.  And I'm sorry! Please don't kill me for this and wait this out, okay?
What do you think of the chapters italic?

Be brave & stay alive