It's extraordinary. He's extraordinary. How he changed in a few hours from a pale, skinny man with exhausted eyes to the boy I used to know so well, the boy who got me through times of war and always stood next to me.
How he always knows what I want to say without me saying a word.
How surprised he looked when I tried to say his name, like he thought he wasn't worth it and the amount of love he kissed me with afterwards.
I love him. I just wish I could tell him.
It's so frustrating that I'm not capable of anything. I can't eat, I can't speak, and I can't keep my hands still.
And still he pretends nothing is wrong. It's a good thing he was never the one to speak hours on end and ask questions all the time.
I saw what the last three years did to him. I destroyed his life by 'dying.' He looked like he hadn't eaten in years, and his actions proved my right. And now he walks to the cafeteria without me asking it. He looked like a walking, talking ghost when he first walked in; transparent white and a sagged posture. Now he's walking around again like he can handle the world, and his skin regained the color it used to have.
And I'm not even talking about the way his eyes changed in the first minutes he saw me again.
For the first time I regret what I did. I abandoned him and didn't help him to process the grief.
He has to know I'm sorry. He has to know that I love him. And I'll tell him myself, with letters formed a chain until it becomes a word.
I'll practice until I succeed, on the moments he's not here to hear me. I'll succeed. I will.
With this new determination I concentrate as I try new letters. I'll learn his name first, because that's most important.
I squeeze my eyes shut and imagine how I get letters from the darkest and hidden places of my conscience and how I place them right. I imagine how I blow the letter chain to my vocal cords were they become a sound.
"Tobias."
A/N - another short one. I'll post a new chapter tonight (my night, probably not the American one)
Be brave & stay alive
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Tobias - after Allegiant ✔
Fanfiction[allegiant spoilers ahead!] Tobias is a wreck after the love of his life died. in this fanfiction we follow his life three years after her death. The process of healing is not so simple as it seems... + + + I'm not raised with English, so this will...
