Tobias - after Allegiant ✔

12

The worst thing that can happen to you is the death of your child. There is an unwritten rule that states you have to die before your children. That rule is the worst to break and you get punished for that in the worst way you can imagine.
   
I sit in a chair next to Tobias, his hand clasped in my hands. He is so pale. The color was wiped away when Tris died, but now it's completely gone. Big parts of his face and neck are covered with bandages to hide the wounds the glass made there. He looks horrible.
   
I squeeze his hand, looking for signs of life. But the only thing that keeps him alive is the breathing machine. Or at least it seems like that.
   
I sob, let the grief wash over me. He will never be the same person he was when he wakes up – if he wakes up. I lay down my head on the bed, next to his stomach, and cry.
   
A soft knock makes me jump. I furrow my eyebrows. Doctor Eastwood said he would let me have some time alone with him. I called Johanna, but she said she would come after work.
   
"Come in!" I shout. I feel ashamed of my voice, because it's obvious I cried.
   
The door opens and a young woman walks in.
   
"Hello, Ms Johnson," she says. She has a soft voice, soothing. "I'm Maria. I found him yesterday."
   
I smile a little. "Thank you," I say.
   
"I live in the street where it happened," she explains. "I was looking out of the window when it happened. I saw the two busses and that little car in between..."
   
She shakes her head.
   
"I'm sorry you had to see that," I say softly.
   
"It's okay, I guess. I just noticed nobody slowed or stopped. Not even your son. But he must've seen it coming."
   
I look at Tobias, whose pale face looks peaceful, beside the color and bandages.
   
"It almost looked like he surrendered, like he accepted the fact that he was going to get hit. And when I ran downstairs... I stood next to him and asked him if he could hear me. He said something..."
   
"Did you hear what he said?" I ask.
   
"He was mumbling, so I couldn't hear it clearly, but it started with a T."
   
"Tris?" It's logical he said that.
   
"Yes, I think that was it!" she says surprised. "How did you know?"
    
I think about what Maria said about him not stopping. I think he didn't mind he was going to die. He wants to see Tris and he's been for years.
   
"She was his girlfriend," I say.
   
"Was," Maria repeats.
   
"She's dead." She looks at me in shock. I just continue like I didn't see it. "He never got over her death."
   
"Tris Prior?" she asks. I nod. We stay quiet for a while. Then she says, "I'll leave you alone with him."
   
"Again, thank you, Maria," I say. She smiles and walks out of the room.
   
I look at Tobias again. He lays the same as before.
   
"Oh, Tobias," I sob. "Please, don't die. I understand you want to, but please don't. For me and for all the friends you'll leave if you do. Please... please."

+ + +

Johanna comes around five o'clock. By that time I'm already sitting the whole day next to Tobias. I didn't leave my chair once. Luckily it's not a hard plastic chair like the ones in the hall.
   
"How are you?" Johanna asks when she walks in.
   
I sigh and shrug. Johanna nods.
   
"It's so hard," I say. "Watching you child floating somewhere between here and an afterlife. Especially knowing he would choose for the latter if it was up to him. And there's nothing I can do about it."
   
She places an arm around my shoulders.
   
"Maybe he can't choose and decides nature for him," she tries to reassure me. "Then it's more likely he will open his eyes in a few days and recovers from his injuries and gets back to work."
   
I smile at her.
   
"I think everything will be fine, Evelyn. I'll be gone for one week for a meeting with the government. When I come back we'll have to force him to eat again."
   
I laugh a little.
   
I never thought I would be friends with Johanna Reyes, not after being enemies as factionless leader and Allegiant leader. But I've never had a stronger friendship with someone than with her. Maybe it's because this time we have the same goal: keep Tobias alive.
   
We keep talking for a while. Johanna gets us some food, since I hadn't had anything today. Then she needs to leave to catch the airplane.
   
"Hang in there," she says. "And please make sure you eat enough. I don't want to have to force two people to remind them."
   
"I promise," I smile. "And please come home safely. I don't want to have to visit two people in the hospital."
   
She laughs, hugs me goodbye and walks away.
   
Five minutes later doctor Eastwood comes to send me away. I can only get myself to walk away by telling myself I'll give Tobias some rest by doing so. Something I would do well to get myself.

A/N - be brave & Stay alive, because I forgot last chapter, oops.