Tobias - after Allegiant ✔

29

Nervous I bounce my knee up and down. Every ten minutes I check my phone for missed calls from the hospital, even though that thing makes a lot of noise when I'm called. I'm just afraid I missed something somehow.
   
That phone call from yesterday and the panicked voice of Tris have scared me. I'm scared she'll have a panic attack again. I'm scared I'll be to late one day and things will get out of hand.
   
"Hey, do you want that thing to catch fire or something, that you keep staring at it like this," Johanna disrupts my thoughts.
   
"What?" I ask dazed. "Oh. No."
   
She leans back and looks at me. "What's wrong?"
   
"Nothing. I hope."
   
"Does this have something to do with that phone call from yesterday?" she asks and I nod. "What was that about?"
   
"Tris panicked," I say. I put my face in my hands. "I just don't want something like that happening again."
   
"If you keep wandering around with that thought, you won't be able to do anything useful."
   
"I know." I sigh.
   
"I think you need some rest," she says. "You've been running around from house to work to hospital and back for weeks."
   
"I'm fine, Johanna," I say with a reassuring smile.
   
"The circles under your eyes are back, Tobias. That tells enough."
   
"Johanna. I'm fine. Really."
   
She walks over to my desk and takes my back from the floor. Then she walks to me and puts the back on my lap.
   
"Go, go, go," she says. "I don't want to see you for another week. Whether you're not doing anything here or with Tris doesn't really matter."
   
"I am being useful," I say resisting. "Just not today."
   
Johanna opens my bag and takes out the screen.
   
"Really?" I say with raised eyebrows. "You could also just fire me, you know. You have the power to do that."
   
"But I don't want that," she answers. "I just want you to the rest you need so you can get a fresh start in a week."
   
She sits down on the edge of the desk.
   
"I understand your work and Tris cost much energy, Tobias, and that's all right. It is completely human even. So accept that fact, and do something with it."
   
"And what if I didn't actually need that rest."
   
"Stubborn kid," she sighs. "If that is the case, I still don't want to see you for a week."
   
I sigh. "Fine. See you in a week."
   
"Bye, my boy."
   
I stand and, on my way to the door, grab the screen from the desk.
   
"Tobias..."
   
"I'll be looking at it with Tris," I say. "She had lots of good ideas yesterday."
   
"I don't care," she says. I sigh and hand over the screen. Then I make my way to the hospital.

+ + +

Tris is sleeping when I come in. That is strange, since it isn't that early in the morning. I look at her peaceful face. When she's sleeping I can forget she's been in a coma. But even now you can see a slight tremble in her fingers if you look closely.
   
Suddenly she starts trashing around and her whole body tenses. I look at her flabbergasted. What is going on?
   
Then she shoots up and she starts crying.
   
"Tris?" I say cautious.
   
She screams and backs off from me. When she sees it's me she relaxes a little and lets me lay my hand on her back.
   
"Tris, is everything all right?"
   
She shakes her head and sniffs.
   
"Nightmare?" I ask. Tris nods.
   
I lift Tris off her bed and place her on my lap, like yesterday.
   
I remember the days where nightmares and unrealities broke the nights of the initiates. Tris's nail beds were bitten raw. When she woke op from a fear simulation for the first time and she punched my arm, I managed to calm her down somehow. The image of Tris lying on the ground with a bunch of crows on top of her, pecking her to death, never quite left my mind.
   
She was afraid of losing control, she told me later. Now she hasn't even control over her own hands. That fear has to be more on her mind now than normal. It has to be because of that fear that she wants to learn everything so quickly.
   
"It's gonna be all right, you know," I say softly. "Everything's gonna be all right."
   
Tris shakes her head.
   
"Of course it will. And if not, it still will."
   
She laughs a little and wraps her arms around me and presses the side of her face against my chest.
   
"I love you," she says softly.
   
"I love you, too," I say. "Always."
   
She looks at me and smiles. She has a longing look in her eyes. For an instant her eyes flicker down and then she presses her mouth to mine. I kiss her harder and put my hand in her hair. She smiles against my mouth and wraps an arm around my neck.
   
Then someone clears his throat behind me and we look op. Doctor Eastwood stands in the door opening with a file in his hand.
   
"Good morning," he says. "Didn't expect to see you here, Mister Eaton."
   
"Well," I say. "I'm sent away from my work."
   
Tris frowns at me.
   
"I'm not fired. Johanna just thought I needed a break, or something."
   
"Johanna wight," she says. "You tiwed."
   
"I'm not," I insist stubborn. Tris jabs me between my ribs, just like she did on our first morning together, but this time it doesn't really hurt anymore.
   
"Me bwead?" asks Tris to Eastwood.
   
"No, you can't shower," he answers. "Do you want to?"
   
Tris shakes her head. "Not wet, bwwwead." She makes a frustrated noise. "Sandwich."
   
"Oooh, bread. I'm sorry. You'll get food soon." Eastwood looks at me. "Now that you are here, can I speak to you for a second?"
   
"Of course," I answer. I lift Tris to the bed. "I'll be back soon."
   
I press a kiss to her forehead and walk with Eastwood to an office.
   
"Please, sit down," he says as he shuts the door. I sit down on a chair at the desk. "Mister Eaton, I want to discuss something about miss Prior."
   
"Then why don't you discuss something about miss Prior with miss Prior?" I ask.
   
"I will," he answers.
   
"And why couldn't you address both of us together?"
   
He sighs. "Mister Eaton... I feel like she's having a relapse."
   
I frown. "Why do you think that?"
   
"I mean, she had a panic attack yesterday and she's found with a tear streaked face several times in the morning."
   
"She is physically limited, doctor Eastwood," I say. "That is frustrating and scary. It's a completely logical response."
   
"I suggest we'll use the services of a therapist," he says.
   
"See, this is exactly the reason why I don't understand why you want to discuss this with me, and not Tris herself," I say. "And you still haven't given me the reason."
   
"She can't even talk."
   
"That she can't talk doesn't mean she's not right in the head and incapable of making decisions! Besides, it's not that bad."
   
"And I ask you because I can have a real conversation with you, in completed sentences."
   
"That you manage to stay in a hospital," I say. "But fine, here is my answer: ask her. Personally I think this is insane. It'll get better when she reaches a point of success, like holding a fork."
   
"I'm not going to ask her."
   
"You said you would minutes ago."
   
"I changed my mind."
   
"Then the answer is no," I say and I stand. "I'm going back to Tris, if you don't mind."
   
I walk toward the door.
   
"It's a really good therapist, with much knowledge about the subject powerlessness and loss of control."
    
"Well, tell him I say hi." I open the door and walk out. Halfway between Tris's room and Eastwood's office I walk back to him. He's still sitting at his desk. "And don't you dare to say something like that to Tris," I say and I walk away.
   
I always got along with Eastwood. He's a good doctor and he's always friendly. But now I know that that friendliness was just judging in a pretty package.
   
I throw open the door to Tris's room and shut it with a bang.
   
"Evewything okay?" asks Tris and she puts a hand on my shoulder. I scoff and hold a hand over my face. "Tobias."
   
I look at her. "He wants to send you to a therapist."
   
Tris frowns at me. "Why I don't decide?"
   
"That's exactly what I thought," I say. "But he wants a conversation with whole sentences."
   
I make a face and Tris's eyes begin to burn with fury.
   
"I told him the answer was no unless he asked you," I say. "I'm sorry I decided for you."
   
"Is okay," she says softly. "Is okay, Tobias. Don't want to."
   
"I figured you would say that," I say with a smile.
   
"He stupid."
   
I laugh. "Even more stupid than the fork."
   
Tris dangles her legs over the bed and places her hands on the back of my neck. I didn't expect that but put my hands on her back quickly. She lays her head on my shoulder and sighs.
   
And we stay in that position for a long time.

A/N - that moment when someone addresses you in English and you're like, 'oh shit, another language' (I'm Dutch, so it's not something I experience every day).

Be brave & stay alive