Friends From The Past

Chapter 18: Let Her Go

(Song of the Chapter: Let Her Go "Passenger")
"It's so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember"(unknown). Training your heart to unlove someone is the hardest thing you can do. Frustration and suicide thoughts. How do you teach your heart to stop loving someone? How do I teach myself to unlove you, Lisa? I've began to address my feelings through writing you letters which in the end, I decided to never send.
May 16, 2017
Dear Lisa,
Days, weeks, months have gone by. My beating heart still chooses to love you. Every time I see you, I smile. I'm so sick of crying, tired of trying, and yes, I may be smiling, but inside I'm actually dying. How'd you move on so easily, forget me so easily? A soul once said," the worst feeling is being forgotten, by someone you will never forget." The quote struck me like lightning. I may not be able to forget you, but I will be able to move on. Practice is all I need. During my free time, I go out on the hunt for new people, hungry for love, a love so strong, it would be unbreakable. Running in the morning and at night, doing anything just to get my mind off of you. I tell myself constantly that I don't love you, I'm lying to myself because I still do. I push myself to my limits as a test. I fail every time. I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it. It doesn't help me unlove you one bit. It just makes me more weak, it reminds me of all the pain you've cost me these last few months. My heart aches. You set me free, but I don't feel free. I feel locked up inside. I'm just waiting impatiently for someone who'll get you off my mind. It's impossible for you to teach your heart to unlove someone just like it's impossible to teach your heart to love someone else.
July 9, 2017
Dear Lisa,
I've been seeing someone for the last few weeks. Yes, he's not you, but he helps me keep you out of my mind and blocked out of my heart. But, he's different. He can't make me smile like you can. He can't make me laugh like you can. He's just not you. No one can be you.
October 3, 2017
Dear Lisa,
I keep hearing rumors around town, a wedding they all say. I guess you've really moved on. You seem to be doing well. Spencer must have been in a hurry to put a ring on that finger. Pictures on the newspaper of your shiny 5 karat diamond ring and your 500k wedding. I guess the rumors are true. I'm happy for you, but am I really? No, I'm not. It kills me inside. That should've been me standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for you, the beautiful bride to walk down the aisle. Your smile looks so big in the picture. Deep down are you truly happy with him? Do you long for me just as I long for you, or am I just holding onto hope? Do you wait for me outside your balcony and wish on a shooting star that you could be with me just like I do?
November 1, 2017
Dear Lisa,
It's nearing Christmas. My boyfriend and I didn't necessarily work out. He didn't hurt me, it's just that I decided to set him free. I didn't want to keep leading him on when I knew that we were hopeless. He respected my decision. What an understanding, kind man he was. I've given up on teaching my heart to unlove you. These past few weeks, Lena and I have been getting closer, romantically, not friend wise. She's finally opening up to me. I got her to believe that I was real. She knows I still love you. She says," there's no shortcut to forget someone. You just have to endure missing them everyday until you don't anymore." Every day I spend with her, I cherish. I think I'm falling in love again. . . . . I feel like a new person when I'm with her. She made me feel special again, like I actually mattered. All my worries seem to float away when I'm with her. I'm moving on.
P.S: This is the last time I'll be writing.
December 12, 2017
(Present Time)
Five weeks and three days since I asked Lena to be my girlfriend. Yes, I've been keeping track. I like who I am now when I'm with her. We may not have been together for long, but I feel like I already love her. No, I actually do love her, I'm sure of it. Lena and I decided not to tell anyone about us until Christmas Eve, we were going to surprise her family. Early morning, Lena and I rushed to the mall to buy last minute Christmas presents. At the mall, we decided to split ways to look for presents. I lied to her and said I was going to the Adidas store. In reality, I was actually going to the jewelry store. I was examining the selection of rings that were on display. I wasn't paying attention and focused on the glass encasing the rings. I shifted over, my eyes not leaving the glass and bumped into someone. I looked to my side and saw Lisa. When I met her eyes I. . . . .
-End of Chapter 18-