You Are My Home

Back to Old Ways

Well, I guess now you can understand we I wasn't that happy about Christen Press seeing me. What if she goes around telling people. What if the team found out about Alex and I. Oh god, what am I going to do. How could I explain why I wasn't happy that one of my best friends was getting married. This is going to be it people are going to think I am weird because I have feeling for my friend they aren't going to want to be my friend anymore.

I think the worst part about all of this is that it's my fault. It's my fault for letting myself fall for Alex. It's my fault for getting so close to her. It's my fault that I let her into my life. It's my fault that I am in love with her.It's my fault for believing she could actually love me back.

I reached down for the bottle again and when I picked it up I remembered that it was empty. That only left one thing to do. I mean I know I promised Harry and Lauren I would stop, but i really need a distraction right now.

I pulled my razor out of my wallet. I pulled back my sleeves and just as I was putting it on my arms someone called out to me.

"Tobin Heath! Don't you dare." I quickly dropped the razor into the sand and whipped around to see who it was. Of course it was Lauren. "Oh honey what do you think you are doing." I could see the concerned look on her face and I was immediately mad at myself for disappointing her. I broke down and started crying. She gathered me in a hug and waited until I was able to catch my breath.

"Tell me what happened sweetie."

"Alex is getting married, we are never going to be together, she will probably move to Orlando and I will never see her again.

I love her Cheney, and she will never love me back, I knew that from the beginning but than she started to give me hope. We have the best of times together. We could be good together I know we could, but she never gave me a chance and so I thought I could live with being her best friend.

But, you know sometimes she will just hold my hand for no reason, or she will find excuses to touch me, or she would beg me to sleep with her saying that she needs me and sometimes she will just come into my bed at night and just ask me to hold her. What the hell is that?

And last night she told me she wants me, needs me, loves me Cheney and then she said yes to him right in front of me without a pause. I can't keep pretending to be just her friend Chen, I can't do it. I can't see her be with him and not me. Lauren, I can't keep doing it. "

"Oh baby, its going to be okay, I am here now." She held me for a little while longer. It was starting to get dark at this point. "Tobin its getting colder out here now do you think you are ready to go inside yet? You can take a shower and you are going to be staying with me the rest of camp. We can cuddle and watch some Netflix. How does that sound?"

"I don't want anybody else to see me like this."

"Its okay I think everyone should be at dinner, by now. I will text Arod and tell to say you weren't feeling good and that I am taking care of you."

So we headed back up to the hotel. I got in the shower and Lauren went to get my stuff from my room. After changing I climbed into bed with Lauren she put on the office, one of my favorite shows, trying to cheer me up. I just held on to her and let the tears stream down my face.

"Tobin, do you think that maybe this could be a good thing for you? Like maybe it will be good for you. She finally chose him. You won't have to keep hoping, you won't have to keep seeing them together. So I know this probably hurts a lot right now, but just keep that in mind okay?"

"Sure, I will try, but can I just cry right now. I don't know if I can handle much more."

We laid in bed together for a while. She had her arms around me and I rested my head on her chest. She continues to constantly rub my back. After what I think was a few episodes, a thought hit me.