You Are My Home

I Love You

"I love you Tobin Heath." She repeated and She leaned in for a kiss, but I pulled away entirely. Sobbing even harder now. I went onto the bed and pulled my knees to my chest again. Crying uncontrollable. I felt the bed move. Christen was now on it with me. I hid my face.

"Tobin?" She called out gently reaching out and resting her hand on my foot. "Tobin, what did I do? Tobin, I mean it I am in love with you."

"Don't you see that you can't be in love with me."

"What do you mean Tobin?"

"You don't know me, so how could you be in love with me?"

"I know who are Tobin."

"You know nothing about me. You don't know what I was like as a kid, you don't know about my family, you don't know how terrible of a person I was in college, you don't know how many problems I have, you don't know how many people I have hurt, and you don't know that I am broken inside."

"None of those things matter" My head snapped up at this.

"Yes they do, these things do matter, they matter to you. Family matters to you. I don't even talk to my family. Right before I left for college I told them that I like girls the way I was supposed to like boys. My parents the people in the world who are supposed to love you no matter what kicked me out of the house.They stood right in front of me and told me to leave. I haven't talked anyone in my family for almost ten years Chris. When's the last time you talked to your family? I know you talk to someone in your family everyday. They love you so much Chris and you have told me that your home is your favorite place in the world.

And if that wasn't enough I stopped caring about everything, if I wasn't playing soccer then I was getting drunk, sometimes I would even have alcohol in my system when I did play soccer. I would use girls all the time taking advantage of them. I  would pick them up at parties and get them  drunk and I would make them believe they needed to test their sexuality and that they should do it with me and when they actually were gay and they were looking for a relationship, I would lead them on and use them for whatever I wanted until I was bored with them and then, I would never talk to them again.The only reason I graduated was because of Allie. She kicked my butt into shape and stopped me from fucking around so much.

Oh and I would cut myself, when the girls and the booze weren't enough to distract me from the pain of losing my family, I started to cut myself. Because that physical pain I felt then was more bareble then the pain I felt when I thought about my parents or my siblings.

So how can you say that none of those things matter. Those things matter to everyone, but especially you how could you the nicest purest person ever love a monster like me?"

"Oh Tobin, like I tried to tell you I know who you are. I know you have felt pain, I have watched you. Do you remember that time Servando surprised Alex at camp and that night we went out to a club?"I shook my head yes and she continued.

"I told you before that I have always kept my eye on you. I saw how hurt you were I saw how reckless you were, throwing back more shots than Kelley and Pinoe put together and that is saying something. I saw you flirting with those girls, I saw you making out with one of them.

I saw that girl who you were dancing with grab your wrist and you flinch at the contact. I couldn't stand to see you like that. But I knew then that I couldn't be the one to comfort you, so I texted Cheney from Kelley's phone to come get you.

I was till trying to stay away from you , but that night I saw a whole new side of you and it confused the hell out of me. And to be honest it scared the shit out of me.

After that night I put so many things about you together Tobin, all the stories Ashlyn has told me about you from college how girls would always do stuff for you. How you guys would have rager parties and you couldn't be out drinken. How carefree you always seem to be. How you never have stayed in one place for too long.