You Are My Home

Apart

Christen have been talking as much as possible. It's hard though with her being in Chicago and I was in Portland. We both had busy schedules, being in mid season. Our clubs both asking a lot from us. But we went back to constantly talking she told me more about her and slowly I told her more about me. Not the big things, but I told her some stories about my childhood, some in college, but we mostly talked about things in the present.

We usually didn't talk throughout the day. We always started off the mornings with a text to each other hoping we each have a good day, but every night we will call each other and honestly those calls are what get me through the day. It  didn't matter if we were just talking about what we had for dinner, or what crazy drill we did at practice, or even the nights where we stayed up way to late talking about random things, just because we didn't want to stop hearing each others voices.

It has been about a month and a half since the last national team camp and the next one was starting in a couple of days. That night after having argued with Christen for about a hour about whether dogs can fall in love with other dogs, until I finally gave into her points realizing that it was 3 in the morning and I had last minute things to do tomorrow before camp. She told me to text her tomorrow about my plans. We wished each other a good night, except I didn't have a good night.

Christen and I have become super close in the short amount of time that we have even really talked to her. She has probably been the easiest person I have ever talked to. We have gotten really close to each other, except I haven't told her everything. I care so much about her maybe more than anyone before. And that scares the shit out of me. Because that means she has the power to hurt me more than anyone before.

It's not that I don't trust her, its just that I don't trust myself. Whenever I really open up to someone I end up hurting them. Like Allie and Lauren, they know everything about me and I have caused them so much pain over the years because of it, they are always having to worry about me and I feel like this holds them back.

The last thing I want to do is hold Christen back. I really like her, love her even, she is one of the most important things in my life now and I know that if I tell her the truth about me. About how I truly am inside, she will always be worried about me, she will be kept down because I won't be able to give her all that she deserves. And how could I do that to her?

I fell asleep knowing  what I was going to do.

The next morning I was awoken by my phone buzzing. It was a text from Christen.

Good morning sleepyhead. I am so excited that I finally get to see you again soon. I can't wait! What time do you get in?

Usually after getting a text like that I would be happy, but that just made things worse. Shutting my phone off I got out of bed and into the shower getting dressed in some comfy clothes. Did some last minute packing while Allie yelled at me for waiting last minute again. The rest of the day was pretty quiet. That night for the first time since last camp, I didn't talk to Christen. I feel asleep crying.

The next day we headed to the airport.

I knew Allie knew something was up, but before we really had a chance to talk, we were on the plane and lucky for me we weren't seated next to each other. So I got a chance to try and catch up on some sleep from barely sleeping at all last night and before I knew it the lady next to me nudged me awake when we landed.

I stayed in my seat though until almost everyone had got off the plane. Trying to waste as much as time as possible. Until as certain blonde was handing me my carry on and practically dragging me out of the plane.

We were walking to our team car, Allie was looking at her phone with a frown on her face.

"Harry, where's your phone?"