Through the looking glass

CHAPTER 27 (Oblivion)

Hindi ko inaasahang makita si Atty. Corpuz sa labas ng pintuan ng condo unit ko. Nakaupo siya sa sahig at nakaidlip na. Tinapik ko siya braso kaya nagising siya at napabalikwas. Agad siyang tumayo at hinarap ako.

"I... tried calling you. Hindi mo kasi sinasagot. Inisip ko lang na baka may nangyari kaya hindi ka nakakasagot. Nag-alala ako. I don't think I have the right kasi hindi naman tayo." I bitterly smiled.

I embraced him. I felt his arms around me and I just stood there, with my head against his chest. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Masyado na akong nasasaktan pero wala na itong atrasan. I can never turn my back and wish that I should've chosen him over family. Wala nang mangyayari.

"Are you okay, Katherine? May masakit ba sayo? What happened? Did someone make you cry?" Tanong niya.

"Masakit ang puso ko. Can we just stay still for five minutes? I just need human warmth. Nagkataon na ikaw ang nandyan kaya sorry, but I need your warmth, to feel that I'm still alive." He tugged me on his chest and all I imagined was Jake embracing me this way, while I listen to the sound of his heartbeat.

Then I let go of him. "Thank you. Gusto mo bang kumain? Hindi pa ako naghahapunan."

"Of course. We can eat. Saan mo ba gusto? Or you want me to pick?"

"You can pick. Wala akong alam na masarap na kainan. Hindi kasi ako sanay kumain sa mga mamahalin na restaurants. Fast food at sa tabi-tabj ako kalimitan."

"Sure. I'll make sure you enjoy our dinner. I won't fail you."

Ngumiti lang siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko at lumabas kami ng building. Sumakay kami sa kotse niya at dinala niya ako sa restaurant na hindi ko pa napupuntahan. Nagpark siya sa harapan at bumaba na, binuksan niya ang pintuan sa side ko.

"Parang di ako bagay dyan. Nakascrubs pa ako at magulo ang buhok ko. Magsusuklay muna ako sandali." Agad ako nagsuklay at nagpowder ng mukha.

"You look beautiful no matter what kind of clothing you wear. Kahit nakabasahan ka, maganda ka pa rin. You don't have to wear fancy stuff kasi hindi ikaw 'yon. I knew you better as the carefree Katherine. You're just so refreshing to be with." Ngumiti lang ako nang ilahad niya ang kamay na agad ko naman kinuha.

Pumasok kami sa loob at sinalubong kami ng isang babae.

"Table for two." Sabi ni Edward.

"Yes, Atty. Corpuz. The usual place po?"

"Yeah." Then we went to the table located on the far right.

He pulled a chair for me then he sat. Binigyan kami ng menus ng waiter at mukhang hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto kong kainin. Hindi ako nagugutom at wala akong gana. I just asked him to have dinner para di na kami pumasok sa loob ng condo ko. I don't want to give him the impression that I wanna do intimate things with him. Hindi ako ready.

To be honest, walang nakakaalam but Jake's my first. I know it's horrible for someone my age to do that. I was only seventeen and we're madly in love with each other to the point of insanity. No one knew. No one did except for the both of us.

It's not about him winning over ny virginity, because I don't care about it. Hindi naman ako old-fashioned pero hindi ko sinasabing liberal-minded ako. Hindi lang ako naniniwala sa concept ng virginity pero naniniwala ako na dapat sa taong mahal mo lang pwedeng gawin ang 'fornication'.

I lost the want for intimacy since they told me he died. Kahit kiss hindi ko magawa. Para akong na-trauma. Hindi ko kayang halikan ang dating ex-boyfriend ko. Para akong natatakot na hindi ko maipaliwanag.

Is it because I only want him?

Then Edward spoke. I realized that I got lost in my thoughts.

"What do you want?"