Through the looking glass

CHAPTER 32 (That Woman)

"Gising ka pa? Siguro sanay ka lang na gising sa gabi." I found Katherine Lane sitting on the floor, leaning on the fridge while eating a big slice of leftover tiramisu. Her legs are thin and lean. Her hair is in a messy ponytail. Umupo ako sa sahig habang katabi siya.

"I'm just trying to get used to resting. Sanay akong puro trabaho at aral lang. I never had much time to celebrate life before. I was too busy with everything. Malapit na ang residency ko. I need to do better at this that's why my body is alive during nights." She's obviously a workaholic. I know what she feels. Just two years ago, I'm a doctor myself. I was in the Psych ward as a resident at FMC.

Her presence bring such nostalgia to me. I felt the adrenaline rush I used to have while at the hospital. I missed the smell of disinfectant. Bigla kong naalala ang mga bagay na isinuko ko para sa family business.

"Is really being a doctor your lifelong dream? I never understood my relatives regarding that matter. Alam kong importante ang mga doktor pero kinaya nilang magtyaga para lang makatapos after years. I'm actually amazed." That's all I can say. Sa totoo lang, I know exactly what she feels.  

"You'll never know the feeling until you saved a life. Studying medicine is learning how to save a life. You give hope to people, you cure people, you help people and you give them lives. Masarap sa pakiramdam, sobrang sarap katulad nitong kinakain ko." Inginuso niya ang isang platito ng tiramisu na kinakain niya.

Natawa ako.

Tumayo siya at inilapag ang tiramisu na kinakain niya sa kitchen counter at kumuha ng isang basong tubig. Habang umiinom siya, lumapit ako. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit. She somehow managed to entice me in a loose spaghetti strap top and distressed shorts. She's just... well plain and pretty but I don't know why I stared at her lips while she was drinking. Napapalunok ako.

God, I forgot for a moment that I am a bastard who uses women as tools for self satisfaction.

I felt the former 'me'  when I was talking to her. She made me feel light... and happy. I was like dreaming. Para akong nawala sa sarili ko. Akala ko bigla akong bumalik sa panahong inosente pa ako.

I guess there is no turning back.

"I know someone... No, I knew someone like you. That enthusiasm is really just like hers. Yung drive mo sa career mo, that sounded so much like her." Totoo. Bakit kapangalan ka pa kasi niya? I'm slowly dying inside. Ang hirap alalahanin ang lahat. Para akong nalunod.

I was desperately trying to defy the waves and survive. Without Katherine, all I did was to resent the world. I hated everything.

Everything.

"Who is... she?" She asked.

"My first love. She died... in a really horrible accident. It's not that I don't like your cousin, but I loved this girl so much. She's funny, energetic, polite and amazing. Actually overweight nga ang first love ko, hindi katulad ng nai-imagine mo malamang." Tumawa na naman ako. Bakit ba niya ako napapatawa.

I had mp choice but to alter some details. I don't want to freak her out. Baka isipin niyang... ah basta. Mahirap na.

"Hoy, overweight din ako noon, tse! Akala mo naman napakaimposible magkagusto sa overweight." Sumimangot siya. I smiled. I felt like a fool letting my guard down to this woman in front of me.

"Seeing her... dead was the deadliest. Why am I even telling these things to you? Hindi naman tayo close." To cope with her betrayal, inisip ko na lang na namatay siya. That's way easier than to keep resenting the only girl I ever loved.