*In process of editing*
Megan's POV
He loves me.
No.
Nobody loves me.
I can't be loved.
I'm a monster.
I don't deserve to be loved... even if I love him too.
"No Grayson. You don't love me, you can't love me. I've ruined your life, and you know it." I said as I opened my eyes to look into his.
"Megan, you don't understand how I feel about you. I was nothing without you." He said as he interlocked our fingers.
"Megan, I love you" Grayson said again. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, but I couldn't. I was just too Cold.
"Grayson.." I trailed off.
"Megan it's okay if you don't feel the same. I just needed you to know." He said as he stared deeply into my eyes.
"No Grayson... I just... I.. "
I didn't know how to say it.
I just couldn't.
I could see the pain in his eyes when I didn't tell him that I loved him too. I'd be lying if I said I didn't... I just can't do it.
I tilted my head backwards and let out a long sigh. I just laid there, on the floor, with Grayson by my side holding my hand.
...
After about an hour, the pain was starting to decrease. I started to sit up.
"Megan, what are you doing?" Grayson asked worried.
I was in too much pain just laying there. I knew that if I sat up, the pain wouldn't be as bad.
"I-I need to sit up" I said exhausted.
"No, you need to rest" Grayson said as he helped me sit up a little.
He sat behind me and leant my body against his. I was lead in between his legs as my head was rested on his chest. My back was facing him.
Grayson interlocked our fingers as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Do you want something to eat? drink?" He asked.
"I'm good" I said with no emotion.
We then sat like that for another whole hour. Different gang members kept coming and going to check if I was okay. I just kept nodding my head to their questions, not really paying attention.
"Are you okay?" Grayson asked.
I didn't feel like telling him how I really felt.
"Fine" I said Coldly.
"Megan, please. Don't do that" Grayson said.
"Do what?" I said confused.
"Push me away" He said, though it sounded more like he was pleading.
"Grayson I.." I didn't have anything to say. He had read me like a book. How could he tell?
"Megan, please." He said again.
I just stayed silent.
I didn't want to be here right now.
I didn't want to be stuck in this building.
I didn't want to just lay here.
I sat fully up and put the top of my hoodie in between my teeth as I bit down on it, trying to hide my pain.
I tried to stand up, only to be pulled back by Grayson.
"Please" I choked out.
I then tried to stand again, this time being successful as Grayson helped me.
"Can we go back to the hotel?" I whispered out. My voice had just disappeared.
I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me. I could feel myself having an anxiety attack.
Grayson hadn't answered me.
I started to shake as my breathing got faster.
"P-please" I pleaded as I looked up at Grayson.
He immediately nodded his head and helped me make my way towards the exit.
Inside I was screaming from the pain. I just held onto Grayson's hand and squeezed it as I bit down on my hoodie again.
We made it outside and I instantly felt better. It was really hot in James' office, the fact that nearly the whole gang was in there didn't help either.
"I'm gonna call a taxi okay?" Grayson said, I just nodded. Grayson was holding me up, his arm was wrapped around my body and mine was wrapped around his neck.
Within minutes, a taxi pulled up beside us. Grayson helped me into the taxi and it took us to the hotel.
...
We made it to our hotel room and Grayson ordered room service.
He then helped me change my clothes, and get into bed.
Grayson had pulled up a chair, close to the side of the bed I was laying on. He held my hand and traced circles on the back of it with his thumb, as I slowly started to drift off to sleep.
I was almost asleep when their was a knock at the door. Grayson stood up and let in the woman that had brought us food.
"What did ya get?" I asked Grayson after the lady had left.
"Pancakes" He said with a smirk and a little chuckle.
I wanted to smile, to laugh... but I just couldn't. I couldn't let out a single emotion. The only thing I was feeling was pain.
Grayson helped me sit up and started eating his pancakes.
I couldn't eat. My appetite was completely gone. I was just sat there, swirling my fork around in some cream.
"Megan, please eat something" Grayson said as he put his hand onto my thigh.
I knew that he would be worried about me if I didn't, so I started to eat. I forced down a couple mouthfuls until I could no longer keep myself from throwing up.
Every bite I had taken made me feel more and more sick. Grayson handed me the bin from the floor and I threw up everything I had just ate.
I laid backwards and let out a big sigh. The pain was starting to increase as the tablets I had taken earlier were wearing off. I think Grayson could tell that I was in more pain.
"Do you want me to get you something for the pain?" He asked as he squeezed my thigh.
"No" I said coldly.
"Megan, you can't just sit here in pain, it will make it go away" He said as he stared into my eyes.
"I can't" I said.
It was bad enough that I took some earlier. I have a drug addiction problem, thanks to my mother. I had been clean for about a year now, if I start taking things for the pain, I am just gonna go down the same road. I'm not letting that happen again.
"Why not?" Grayson asked.
"I can't okay?!" I said angrily. I didn't mean to shout at him. I know that he's only trying to help me, but I don't need someone pitying me right now. I need to toughen up and ignore it. Pain is temporary.
"Megan, Im sorry. I was just trying to help-"
"I don't want your pity Grayson! I know your just trying to help but I don't need it. I've been through this before. I know what I need right now, and it's definitely NOT your help." I said Coldly as I turned my face away from him.
Grayson removed his hand from my thigh. I could see that my words had hurt him. He stood up and walked over to the door.
"I'm going for a walk. If you need anything, I'll be back in 10" He said as he still faced the door. I didn't say anything.
Grayson opened the door and left.
This is why I can't be loved.
This is why Grayson can't love me.
I am Cold.
I push everyone away.
I don't deserve anyone like him.
I don't deserve to be loved.
