*In process of editing*
1 Year Later...
Megan's POV
The combination of guilt and regret. It swallowed me up whole, poking at my insecurities, threatening to show them to the world. Tearing me up inside, eating away at my soul as I desperately try my best to stop them. I am no longer Megan Parr. I am now the face behind the camera and the voice behind the words.
My feelings spread across the page, as my tears smudged the inc, creating a disastrous mess, a bit like me. My thoughts flew out of me as I connected my pen with the paper.
God help me if anyone was to get their hands on my book, my whole life, my history, my truth. I spilled my feelings into my small book that I held in my hands. I felt relief as I furiously scribbled my pen across the page, writing all sorts of profanities that I would never throw out into the real world.
How did I get myself into this predicament? Why do I have to be so stupid? I honestly wish that I could just disappear, leave this horrible world of hate, leave this bitter place remorseless. But I'm stuck here, fiddling with the gold band that sits around my thumb, whilst bitting the inside of my cheek, as if a solution to my problems is hidden between my teeth.
But that's the thing, what are my problems? What is it that put me here, staring my reflection in the mirror, looking at myself with such contempt? Then I remember... Grayson.
The mockery from peers because I'm just an outcast, abandoned from the comfort of familiar heartbeats of loved ones. I have no loved ones. I am secluded, pushed away from success, ripped from happiness.
My bones feel heavy as my heartbeat pounds in my ears. Nobody to comfort me, nobody to pull me from my misery, it's only my third anxiety attack this morning.
Why do I do this to myself? Build up all my stress and let it all out at once, like a stampede trampling over the small creatures that fall on the dirt path in front of them.
My blood flew through my veins as I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth, the trepidation eating into my soul. I was scrunching my eyes together tightly, trying to push away the dreadfully hysteria thoughts that were making me go insane.
I pushed myself to my feet, forcing my heavy feet towards the bathroom to take my medication.
I popped the diminutive pill into my mouth as I collapsed onto the rigid tiles of the bathroom floor.
My breathing calmed as my heartbeat returned to its accustomed rate. My shake slowly disappeared as pain in my head subsided, leaving me feeling like I had been submerged into a deep pool of water. The dark abyss of the cloudy bluish water mixing with my salty tears as they both surrounded my body.
I leant backwards against the cupboard below my sink, inhaling a deep breath, letting my meds fix the mess happening in my messed up head.
My hand reached to the cabinet next to me, pulling me to my feet as I rubbed my temples with my fingers, hoping to make my dizziness go away.
I walked into my room, flopping onto my bed as I pulled my camera towards me. I flipped through some of the pictures I had taken yesterday when the sun was setting.
I had spotted a cute couple watching the sunset, and decided to make myself feel worse about myself by taking a few pictures of their silhouettes in the distance. The way their arms wrapped around each other lovingly, the way they looked at each other with such love. Beautiful. It was truly beautiful, and made me feel utterly alone. I miss Grayson, I miss him more than anything in the world, but I don't know where he is anymore.
I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself, as I started getting ready for the dreadful day I had ahead of me.
I brushed through my long blonde hair that flows down my back, ending just above my butt, then placed on my big round glasses.
I threw on the first thing that I picked up, which happened to be a pair of black skinny jeans, and a burgundy roll neck jumper. I slid my converse onto my feet and slung my camera around my neck, heading for the door.
I had a wedding today, I was the photographer, so I wanted to go out to capture something before I have to start getting ready for it.
I walked to the beach that wasn't too far from my apartment complex, capturing the extensive waves crashing against the soft sand.
The discordant current throwing the masses of water high into the air, creating a satisfying sound as they came crashing to the ground.
I sat myself on a rock and listened to the peaceful sounds of the birds chirping, mixed with the rustling of leaves on trees as the strong wind blew them from their branches.
I was thrown from my peaceful silence when my phone started ringing from my back pocket, letting me know that I had to go home to start getting ready.
I took one last photo of the beautiful sight in front of me, before making my way home.
