*In process of editing*
Grayson's POV
Wow.
What a year.
What a fucking year.
A year without her.
A year of loneliness.
A year of depression.
A year of rising fame?
Ethan had made this account on vine and had been re-vined by a popular account, leaving him with tons of followers.
Ethan made an account for me to attempt to cheer me up, and I guess it kinda did. Recently, we have been making youtube videos, and have gained quite a lot of subscribers... 2 million.
I try my hardest to make Ethan proud, I try my best to make him happy, but it's just so hard. I feel like I don't want to do anything anymore, I don't want to get up, I don't want to go out, I just want Megan.
The sad thing is that she's probably forgotten about me now. She's probably living in a nice house with someone she loves, living her life like she should, but yet I'm still here. I'm still not over her, and I don't think I ever will be.
Jax visits now and then, I have been doing some jobs out here in New Jersey as well. Most of them being someone else's dirty work, but that combined with the money I make from social media, I would say I'm on some good money right now.
I've heard from the gang a few times, they've contacted me asking if I'm doing okay, but most importantly... They've asked if Megan came back.
I can't deal with it, I can't deal with the fact that I can't have her, the fact that she's gone. I try to hide it from Ethan, but now that Joseph lives with us, it's practically impossible.
It's unbearable. The thought of her alone can bring me to tears, it can bring on an attack with a click of a finger. My anxiety has progressively gotten worse, as each day I go without her, another piece of me is thrown away.
I was staring at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes were red and my pupils were dilated. I was slowly coming down from my high. Ever since I met Jax, he has helped me to forget my pain. Given me a way of forgetting, giving me peace in the form of a pill.
I hide it from Ethan, but he has caught me a couple times. He doesn't care about me though, he just cares about his reputation if our fans ever found out. The whole fame thing has totally gone to his head, he now thinks he's better than me, better than anyone, better than everyone, and I hate him for it.
It has changed him, having a following, having 'fans', and it hasn't changed him in a good way. Now, all he cares about is getting the right picture for Instagram, being invited to all these bullshit parties, looking good for the photo shoot, and he's dragging me with him through all of it.
The Dolan Twins.
That's what I'm known for now.
The taller one, the one with the freckle on his chin, the one with the blonde in his hair, the one with...
Trust issues?
The one with anxiety? Depression?
The one who is alone?
No.
Nobody sees any of that, Ethan doesn't let them.
Who would want to hook up with the guy who's brother is a freak?
That's the way Ethan sees it.
The amount of girls he's fucked this past year is insane. He can literally walk outside and pick which girl he wants from the screaming mob of fans.
Me on the other hand, I haven't even looked at another girl. I can't. It's not that I don't want to, I just can't physically bring myself to.
The only girl I want is Megan.
The only girl I need it Megan.
But she's the only fucking girl I can't have!
Why?
Why does life hate me?
Why can't I be with her?
Why can't I hold her in my arms?
Why can I kiss her soft lips?
Why can't I hear her angelic voice calling my name?
Why can't I feel her soothing touch?
Why!
What did I ever do to deserve this?!Why do I have to be tortured like this?!
I collapsed onto the freezing tiles of my bathroom, panting as I rolled onto my back, the bare skin of my back grazing across the sharp floor. I pulled at my hair as I rolled around the floor, trying to pull myself from my misery, my anxiety stabbing me like tapered knifes.
"Gray?!" I hear Ethan yell as he ran into my room, hearing my loud cries from my bathroom.
"Gray!" He yells again as he sees me, he dives onto the floor next to me as he tries to calm me, but fails.
Nothing can calm me when I'm like this. Nothing but... Her.
Megan.
She always knew how to stop me from having an attack, she always knew how to calm me, but she's not fucking here anymore.
After about 10 minutes of hugging myself, trying to pull myself together, my breathing calmed and my antagonising thoughts faded away.
The familiar ache in my heart returned as the memories I've had with Megan haunted me once again.
"Gray? Oh, good, you're back to normal. We have an event today, a gathering in New York. Get ready" Ethan said as he entered my bathroom again.
Fucking dick.
